I am sitting here, a 59 year old #Life Coach, #Cancer #Survivor and wondering to myself, how the hell I get through to all the young women out there in their 30’s and 40’s who are trying to be Super-Woman? I personally know lots of them and in most cases they are all chasing the illusion that they can indeed be Super Woman and that they can indeed have it all…….which of course it total rubbish!
Life coaches talk alot about change and how we should not fear but embrace change, how even bad changes, can ultimately be a good thing.
But who the heck are we, to lecture you on how you should feel or think about stuff that is happening in YOUR world? How do we know its going to be okay, or what the best thing for you is in the long run ?
Truth is, we dont know, not really. We don’t have guarentees that things will right themselves, or that your current negative situation is going to turn out ok.
WHAT WE DO HAVE, is some insight and hopefully
some personal experience that helps us, to move you through your challenge and enable you to feel good about it. Continue reading “Accepting Change! WT* do I know?”
This is a question I hear often from callers to my App Help Line, it’s usually one of the first things people ask. Some h
ave tried counselling or a therapist in the past and cannot see how coaching may differ or get them results.
“Dont we need to be face to face?” – Is the next question, usually followed by
“How do I know if you are any good?” – So here are a few answers :-
Coaching differs from other forms of therapy in several very important ways.
Coaching is not NOT about your past, it’s about moving forward, so coaches do not spend lots of time trying to identify psychological problems or to diagnose conditions. We may need a general idea of what has happened or of who you are, so we have a better idea of what has already been tried and what was successful or not. We also do NOT write prescriptions or diagnose any conditions, ever! We are not here to label or judge you but to assist you in your endeavour or aid you to solve your problem.
Coaches use carefully crafted questions and fine tuned listening skills to help you find your own answers. We do not tell you what to do or how to do it, we guide you to your own solutions. This way, as a plan of action unfolds, it is likely to succeed because YOU are the one mapping it out. A coach then helps you to keep on track or adjust your plan as necessary.
We do not need to be able to see you to help you. In fact I find it better to have voice only sessions with my clients as this enables me to HEAR the things that arent being said, better. Subtle tones in a voice or hesitation in answers, can mean a lot to a trained coach and this gives me an indication of what questions need to be asked next. Asking the right questions is a huge part of being a good coach.
Well you can goggle me or check out my website, where there is a lot of information about me and some client testimonials. If you need more go to my Cancer Blog, but ultimately it’s probably a trial and error situation. If you are not happy after the first session, then you do not need to do more. I do not require my clients to pay upfront for weeks or months in advance, and I also will refund you if you are truly unhappy (although I have never had to do this yet). I have also found that coaching can be successful in just a few sessions, with the average being around 6. Not the months on end that many seem to feel is needed. I will also allow pay as you go coaching sessions so you don’t have to pre book your time months in advance. As long as we can find a slot when you need it, you’re in.
Relationships
January is a killer month in the northern hemisphere! Not only do more people die this month but so do more marriages, partnerships and indeed relationships of all kinds.
Its that time of year when the stress and strain of yet another family christmas adds to our already stressed existence and we can soon find ourselves pushed to our limits.
We have been struggling all year to keep it together and then comes Christmas, into which we put so much hope and effort that even a small incident can ballon into a major event. Parents fighting with children, siblings with siblings and partners being pushed to overload. Add to that a bout of flu or a mishap and often the strain on a partnership that is already in trouble is simply too much and it ..just implodes. An argument that at any other time of the year may have been a normal squabble and easily overcome, can turn into a slanging match like no other, where insults and hurtful comments abound. The type of argument that just pushes us to the point of no return.
Family feuds also tend to erupt over the holiday with many fracturing seemingly beyond repair. January can be a sad time of year for sure.
So what can we do about it? How do we stop the inevitable? How do we survive the post Christmas fall out? How do we survive January?
Well I am not sure we can avoid it all, but I think we can certainly lessen the severity of the problems with a little planning and insight.
Along with all the rushing around preparing for the Christmas holiday (which is exhausting for most of us), we also need to be aware that in the northern hemisphere we are in the midsts of winter we are cold and *sun deprived! This leads to a multitude of very physical issues such as depression, decreased immunity and disease. Add to that the fact that we tend to eat and drink too much of the wrong things over the holiday and you have a receipt for disaster waiting to happen.
However, before we go slamming doors and packing suitcases, I feel we need to take time out. Time to get ourselves back to normal. Try not to act on that argument now, sit with it for a while and remember that the other person was probably also in a stressed place.
TAKE A BREATH! and let things settle.
Making life decisions in January is not a good idea, you are not yourself right now and you may just regret it for the rest of your life!
So don’t have that conversation yet, get back to eating & drinking healthy; start taking *D3 now (it will improve your mood believe me); catch up on sleep; get some fresh air when ever you can.
Get to that place where you feel like you are in control again.
Then and only then, should you begin to look back at that row and decide if it really was as bad as it felt at the time. Arrange to talk about it, tell the other person(s) how it made you feel or why you said what you did, admit if you were wrong and apologise for any hurtful comments.
If you are going to break up then let it be for the right reasons, not because you both said or did hurtful things at a time when you were not at your best. If you cant have that conversation, try writing it or think about getting professional help.
Ideally a relationship should not end with the slamming of doors AND not in January!
Good luck
Coach Lin
* D3 which our skin absorbs from the sun helps to keep us upbeat as well as improving our bones & immunity. For more on D3
some more serious than others but challenges none the less. How those challenges affect our lives is very dependent on how you handle them. Some people seem to breeze through problems, however large, while others fall apart over seemingly small issues.
Do you bury your head in the sand and hope problems go away? Or perhaps you race around telling everyone your plight dramatizing them in the hope someone will fix them for you? OR do you rise to the challenge, accepting it and look for ways to either fix it or live with it?
Often the route we take is not conscious, it’s a life habit. A way of behaving and interacting in the world that evolved in childhood and feels as much a part of you, as is your big toe.
If you feel that your life is full of problem after overwhelming problem, it may be that your default way of coping, the one you developed as a child, is simply not working for you anymore. Your challenges may have simply outgrown this particular way of coping.
Sometimes we cannot even see what our default reaction is, until it’s pointed out to us and even then we may resist any change.
The only way to learn, to grow and to develop new more effective ways of coping; ways that are more suited to the adult challenges we face, is to change what is no longer working for us.
Hi my name is coach Lin and I specialise in helping people deal with Challenges in their lives. If it is time to upgrade that system, to learn how to cope with challenges in fact how to thrive
on them? Then its time to contact me…………
Together we can move you forward, towards a happier, healthier less stressed life. I look forward to meeting you.
Why ME? read
Helping Hand - Life Coaching 