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Cocooning – What Is It & Why Do I Need It?

THE DICTIONARY DEFINITION OF COCOON IS ‘SOMETHING THAT ENVELOPS SOMEONE IN A PROTECTIVE OR COMFORTING WAY.

As a life coach I am often presented with clients who are paralyzed by indecision and overwhelmed by stress. The words “I don’t know who I am any more“, or “I cant seem to make even the simplest of decisions” are frequently uttered.  People are loosing their way and their identity at a rate I have not seen before.  Divorce, Job loss, Work Stress, Home Stress all contributing to an overload that is breaking us.

People are lost!

So what can we do & how do we get back to a more sustainable life style?

As an insect may wrap itself in a silky case to protect its pupae stage, then so too can humans. When a time for reflection or quite is needed or when change is forced upon us, cocooning allows us the time and safety to selfishly hide away.  Here we can process what is happening to us and allow ourselves the time to adjust.

Cocooning is every bit as important to us as it is to the insect.

newborn-1584746_1920From the very first time we were wrapped in a cosy blanket, cocooning us in a protected bubble of love, we have had a desire to return to this when ever we are worried, sick or scared. Snuggling up in a soft blanket on the sofa, or snuggling down in a feather filled quit is without doubt comforting to us all but for some reason, we often feel guilty when we take the time to do this.   As if it is a pleasure we have not earned or deserve.

Well I disagree with this thinking.

I believe we all need to feel safe, we all need to feel protected and sometimes we absolutely need it for our sanity and mental health.  I feel cocooning in times of need is a vital and important part of healing and the difference between coping and not coping.

I help many of my clients to find their way and often we start with a process of cocooning that I call Finding You.   It is an easy process, requires no great skill or expense and begins the process to get back in touch with who we are……..

And like the butterfly, Cocooning enables us to move on to the next stage of our lives, stronger, more beautiful and with confidence in our choices.butterfly-1218884_1920

 

Please accept this small gift to help you on your road to self discovery.

When you are ready to feel whole again, to feel in control again or dare I say HAPPY again. Please email me and I will teach you how to continue down this road……………..because you deserve it!

Also read Doing a Shirley Valentine The ultimate cocoon time.

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Fractured Personalities & The Hats We Wear!

Last night I watched a movie about a young women whose
personality had fractured into 3 distinct people and it
started me thinking about what it is that makes up an adult
human personality?

What is it that makes you…You or me….Me?

Clearly we All have our different sides, elements of us that
we present to different people for different reasons but how
many different sides or faces of me, does it take to make the
whole person?

I like to think of these different ‘sides’ of ourselves in
terms of hats. We select to wear different hats for different
occasions, just as our personality pops on a different you
depending on the encounter.

I wear my Mum Hat when with my boys, My Nana Hat with my
grandsons, another for my husband or friends and yet an
entirely different one when working. In fact I could probably
fill a hat store, if I listed them all.

Each time we don a different hat, it is for a reason, a way
for us to cope in a particular situation. My Mum Hat, enables
me to nurture, love & fiercely protect my children; My Work Hat
displays more distance and objectivity; my Husband Hat...well
that one is pretty much the entire store, we’ve been together
so long. 🙂 but i am sure you get my drift.

We have emotional hats too:-

A Rain Hat for example is tough and impenetrable, it protects
us from the wet. So when we wear this we probably feel in need of protection from a situation, its our vulnerable & defensive side.

A Straw Hat we Hatstrawkidswear on sunny days, perhaps indicating we are in a happy more carefree mode.

 

These sides of ourselves, these metaphorical hats we wear,
form a coherent personality, swapping in and out as need
be, providing us with the skills we need in any given situation
enabling us to navigate our lives. They are generally not
fractured as they were with the young woman in the movie but
working together to make us a coherent whole.

But who has control?

Surely there has to be a manager of this store, some side of
our personality who decides which hat is being worn and when?
Who is the boss of you?

I suspect for most of us, it is the side we call experience!
The managerial hat of experience has learnt what hat needs to
be worn in each situation and sends you out correctly attired.

So why sometimes do things go wrong?

I feel personality disorders can stem from lack of management
or from mis management. With the young women in the movie, a
significant event in her life had sent her manager into hiding
and there was no longer a coherent whole. Once this happened,
different side / hats start to emerge as separate or distinct
personas, each vying for a spot in the hot seat.

To a lesser degree, I feel that this can happen to us all.

Have there not been times in your life when you don’t feel like
you (the manager) has control? Have we all not experienced
times when one or other of our emotions or hats takes over
management and screws us up?

Perhaps the Helmet of Fear keeps you from doing something or
encourages you to run? And because fear is a basic human
emotion, it is strong and suppresses all other sides in doing
so? But Fear is not a good manager and makes bad decisions.Hathard
It dominates and does not allow other hats to come forth so we are now trapped wearing a hat that is inappropriate for other situations. We end up becoming stuck inside the protection of our helmet. Once fear gains a foothold, its a tough hat to penetrate or remove. Its only interest is survival of self at a very basic level.

I feel that all hats have their place, we need the facade, the different faces to navigate our world. However when the wrong side of you shows up at the wrong occasion…….problems usually ensue. Keeping control of the many sides of our personality is not always an easy task and sometimes it can become just too difficult and problems begin.  Certainly a key event in our lives, or perhaps just a long drawn out stressful situation, something that stresses us beyond our ability to cope, can trigger a lost of control.

And Our manager goes on strike!

Coach Lin

 

NOTE: I am not a psychiatrist these are just my thoughts based on my study of physcology, observations and my experience as a coach. Many people come to me stuck inside the Helmet of Fear, if that is you, or if you feel you are losing control, please know there is help available. You do not have to manage the situation alone.

I now have my Writer Hat on Cowgirlhatand would very much like to know what you think………?  Please feel free to comment here or drop me an email at info@helpinghand-lifecoaching.com

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I Gave Myself Cancer!

I GAVE MYSELF CANCER

To live a fully functional, fun filled life of our dreams, we need to be healthy. Without our health there is no balance to life, the scales are tipped heavily towards struggle.

I know because my ‘scales plunged’ when at the age of 44, Cancer entered MY LIFE.

I survived YES but at a cost; my physical body can no longer do what I want of it and when I can, there is always pain and then more pain. I often am unable to travel; have to back out of plans and can loose whole days to the pain.

What I thought would be my future, no longer applies.

I am however adaptive and am thriving in a different and more sedate way. But this took much time and don’t let the courageous spirit fool you! NO one, wants to have to deal with or fight through, a serious health issue or learn to live with a chronic problem.
We DO, but not by choice and however brave and well balanced we may seem………it’s always a struggle…..and was not a part of our dreams or life goals.

SO when I say to you, that looking after your health is the first step towards the dreams and goals you wish to achieve, towards that life you have planned for yourself, believe me, i know!

Accidents happen over which we have no choice but diseases like Cancer are not accidents, they occur because our body was too weak to fight it off. Because we allowed the stress and pace of our lives to deplete us and Cancer got its chance. This can apply to most chronic illness. One may be genetically predisposed to get a certain disease but it will only manifest, if you allow your mind and body to become overrun by stress hormones and lack of good nutrition.

WE MUST TAKE RESPONSIBILITY no one gives you these health issues, except you! This is why I say “I gave myself Cancer!”

Granted, there are some things over which YOU have no control, environmental toxins or background radiation levels to name a couple but are you doing anything about those that are within your control? Have you removed all toxic chemicals from your home? Have you started cooking fresh unprocessed foods again? Do you take the stairs or walk to the store? Are you taking good quality Vitamins? The list goes on.

Now my intent with this blog was not to talk about myself and or lecture but to impart to you just how very important your health is. We tend not to think of it until we have a problem. I know I didn’t ……i ate a good diet and exercised alot and thought that was enough…..it wasn’t! To be the first person in my family to get Breast Cancer, is not an accolade I’m proud of, I assure you.

In the 13 years since that fateful day, I have read and leant much and now believe we absolutely NEED to ease the stress in our lives in any way we can. We cannot rely on our governments or doctors, their interests are faulty at best. This is something we each have to do for ourselves, to evaluate where we are and where we are heading. Correcting a course is not always easy but its a damn sight easier, when it’s not enforced as mine was, when options can very quickly, become limited!

We also need to eat organically AND supplement our food with good nutrients and vitamins* So as to give our body and mind what it requires to function with optimal health. And with good health, comes good sleep, good decisions and the chance of actually living that well balanced life of your dreams.

You owe it to yourself and your family to be Physically & Mentally healthy enough to reach for and make those dreams come true!!

I write this today from the Mexican Riviera Maya to where recent events in my life have led me and as I sit here typing, I am contemplating yet another change in my life. Partly out of necessity but also another step towards a life of more balance and more importantly of Health…..because with good health you have options. Please don’t waste yours.

*Even organic food can be lacking in nutrients, as the very soil is no longer as rich as it used to be.

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Life Coaching – Taking My Own Advice!

So I need to apologise to all my readers for my absence the past few months.

Things in my life were becoming very hectic.  I have several serious health issues to deal with, My youngest son was getting ready to move with his family to the other side of the continent and my work load was becoming stressful. ……………SO I took some time off.

I stepped back from it all and took some time out to reevaluate how to move forward in a more balanced way.

Why am I telling you this?

Well, I want to show you that even though I am a life coach and ‘know better’, it is all to easy for life to spiral out of control.

The last time that happened to me, I ended up with Breast Cancer. so now I try to be more aware.   However, 12 years later, I was once again letting things drift into chaos and I was back on the cancer merry-go-round of poking, prodding and specialist appointments.

So after a few days rest and more rounds of medical tests,  I finally sat down and asked myself “what would I say to a client in this situation?”

My answer came quickly “something needs to change, if you want changes in your life”.

One of my particular ‘hangups’ has been focused around my part-time tech job.  Even though my Coaching Practice is running well, I was finding it hard to quit this part-time corporate job: so I decided I needed to start with this and ask myself WHY ?  After much soul-searching I came to realise that I was afraid.  I have been dealing with Cancer and its fallout for 12 years, I realised I was afraid that if I quit, no one else would ever hire me.

It was only when I asked myself why that frightened me and what I actually liked about this job, that I realised the absurdity of these feelings.  I had not been happy in that work in a long time, in fact I resented the hours I was working in the role.  Plus, I did not want or have any intention of ever working in a corporate job again.  It was so far from what I wanted, that the fear of not having it, was ludicrous.

SO I QUIT IT!

Boy did I ever feel better the next day!  A huge burden was lifted and I felt free to move on in my life with enthusiasm and purpose, doing what I love, which is coaching others.

I am still having tests and still have many medical issues ahead of me but I feel so much lighter to have relieved myself of this burden.  The fear I thought I would feel is not there, not in the slightest.  I now feel I can take on what ever obstacles come my way in terms of heath issues, with renewed vigor and I know success.

I am also so very happy to be back doing what I love to do……………..blog and coach others to find the same great feeling when you know, you are in tune with your life’s purpose.

See you on the bright side 🙂

Coach Lin

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R & R Are You Getting Enough?

Life today can be hectic!

Even for the most organised of us, chaos and overwhelm has a tendency to sneak up and take us by surprise.

Stress, caused by a constant pressure to perform or an over burdened life can and does cause all sort of problems; with our relationships, our work and or our health.

Too often this occurs in the form of illness. This could be a temporary set back or come in the form of a more permanent and life threatening problem.

What ever area of our life is first affected by this downwards spiral, it is likely the rest will follow suit. Continue reading “R & R Are You Getting Enough?” →

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