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Helping Hand – Life Coaching

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relationships

Grand Parenting Vs Parenting.

Grand Parenting VS Parenting

Everyone needs ONE person in their life that supports them, NO MATTER WHAT!  

That one person who will provide comfort, have your back & who can stand up to the rest of your family and friends, including your parents. 

Grandparents should be the primary harbour for runaways, a safe place to run to, a place of absolute love, no judgement and lots of comfort foods 🙂 

Well thats how I see it, although I am not sure all agree.  

I had a discussion today with a friend who does not have grandchildren yet and she was of the opinion that it is the grandparents role to support the parents in all and every topic. Where as I believe good grandparents should support the child first and facilitate communication with parents.  

Children and their parents come into conflict, its a normal part of bringing up a child, which is a Parents responsibility. But Grandparents do not have that responsibility

Grandparents can enhance the child’s life in a different way

We do not have to constantly be trying to mold or direct, we can simply BE with them and enjoy them as they are. This is a truly unique opportunity for both child and grandparent and should not be sullied with the chore of parenting. 

What do you think? 

Coach Lin Nana to 5 beautiful boys. 

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How Do I Find The Right Partner?

So many times in my coaching career have I been asked :-

“How do I find the Right Partner? Where do I look and how do I know when its the right one?”

My answer is always the same – Continue reading “How Do I Find The Right Partner?”

Relationships – Taking A Chance On Love

The most common question I am asked about relationships is….

” How do I know if they are the one? “

The truth is, that generally you don’t; certainly not at first. Some of us are lucky and have great instincts that help us out but for most it’s a hit and miss kinda thing, which can end in hurt and rejection. This scares us, so much so, that many of us are unable to take that initial plunge and take the hand being proffered.  All sorts of negative thoughts can run through our minds and before we know it, the defense is up and its impenetrable.

So how do we navigate this potential heartbreaking situation? How do we find out if this person is worth risking our heart on? How do we find the courage to let the defenses down? Continue reading “Relationships – Taking A Chance On Love”

The Power of Relationship Coaching – In One Simple Question.

As I write this, I have just finished a conversation with a women who is currently involved in a long distance relationship. She was feeling hurt and let down because of a recent phone call she had with her partner.  It seems she felt he had not been sympathetic enough towards her and in fact had been joking around, this made her feel unloved.  She wanted to ask me if I thought his was ‘normal’ behaviour?

I asked her this one question.

“Did you tell him you were feeling low?”

And after a slight pause, she admitted (with some realisation) that in fact, she had not!

She had assumed he would notice…..women with flipphone

She was completely forgetting she was on the phone and unless she was actually sobbing, the only HINT he may have, is in what she actually says.

Unless its a long term relationship or he’s a trained listener or psychic, there is little chance he would pick up on her mood.

Suddenly, this one question had changed the entire outcome of her conversation with her partner as she realised, he did not know how she was feeling. Perhaps he did love her after all 🙂

This is the Power of Coaching!

This is not an isolated incident, we all do this, especially women.  We assume Continue reading “The Power of Relationship Coaching – In One Simple Question.”

Families And Surviving Them.

I’m often asked how I find topics to write about or what inspires me to sit down and blog?

Well first off, I am naturally a very inquisitive person and when something catches my eye I have to dig deeper, but also I know who I am and have a strong set of values which are constantly on guard. If I see something that concerns or offends those values, then I have to speak out and what better way to do it than to blog to the universe, well those of you in mine anyway. 🙂

(You may notice I get on ‘MY SOAP BOX’ over many different issues.:)

Today I want to blog about Family Relationships!  

The reason being, many of you out there, have been coming to me of late with problems relating to struggles within your families and while I would urge you to get professional assistance, I realise many of you find it extremely difficult to ask for help.

Now its proJohn Cleese Families and how to survive them With Robin Skinnerbably no secret that I am a strong believer in doing what ever you need to in order to keep families united, but sometimes, that can be easier said than done. AND sometimes it’s not in the best interest of all.

So how do we know if it’s a problem we should work through or is it time to let go?

The myriad of different relationships within a family, means there is NO easy or one answer to this. Which is why we have so much difficulty. There are all sorts of emotions & habits involved that simply make it a complex and diverse situation and often entangled  throughout the extended family. 

When studying Psychology, I found this book by Dr Skynner and Comedian John Cheese (of Monty Python fame) to be particularly helpful, funny and insightful.

 

Its ease of read should help you as it delves into how couples work, how they adjust to marriage and children, how children can grow or how they can be destroyed emotionally. AND most importantly, how to develop healthy relationships and families.

So for those of you who are unable or uncomfortable getting professional help from a therapist or coach, I would suggest you get a copy of this book and start there.

  • Its EASY reading
  • its Funny
  • Its Family therapy for the layperson.

By learning why we behave as we do (during which you may have to go on a journey of self discovery), you will get to the route of your problems. You can then start to unravel the complex life that is the Family, and you will be more able to chart a course for success.

Much Love

Coach Lin xx

As always, let me know if I can help!

copyright © Helping Hand-Life Coaching 2014

 

Making Friends – How Hard Can It Be?

Making Friends – How Hard Can It Be?

Well it would seem, much harder than you may think.

Many young people contact me with issues around friendships and how to make and keep them.  So I thought I would see if I can bring my 50+ years of experience, to your aid…

When an opportunity to meet someone comes along we need to be able to act on it. However, often people are too shy to make that initial move or if they do, they don’t know how to turn that, into a lasting friendship. Then there are those that are sometimes so desperate to ‘make friends’, that they simply try too hard and turn into babbling idiots.

So how do we overcome these issues?

Well, I feel one of the first things we need to realise, is that friendships take work; even people who are socially outgoing, need to put in continuing effort in order to make and maintain a true friendship. We also need to open up to people and allow them to see the real us, maybe not all at once, but certainly within the course of a few weeks. Others need to see you, as you are, so this is something you must risk, if the friendship is to truly be fulfilling and lasting. No one likes a fake, so be real.

Here are a few guidelines, which if you follow & practice, I believe will make it easier to be and have, good friends in your life.

Initial conversations can be scary for many people. We worry that we will have nothing to talk about, that we will seem stupid in another’s eyes, that they wont like us because we are boring.  AND the truth is, when we talk about ourselves, we can sometimes seem self-absorbed and indeed boring. So my advice, is to arm yourself with lots of questions you can ask the other person and then listen to the answers.

For example; after an inital introduction, a conversation may go like this:-

Hi, nice to meet you, how do you know X ?”  “Oh we know each other from work”.

“Who is it you work for?” “XX”

Oh really, what do you do there?”, ” I’m an accountant”,

“Gosh would never had guessed, what got you into Accounting?” “Oh parents really, they sort of encouraged me into that at college”.

What sort of accounting do you do?”  “legal stuff mostly”.

what does that entail exactly”.

“Do you like it?”

Hopefully you’re getting the hang of this 🙂 Questions, Questions & Questions.

If you learn one thing from me today, I hope it is that people like to talk about themselves and if you really LISTEN to them, they will think you are an amazing person and want to hang around you!  A mistake many people make is they are busy trying to think of their next clever question or comment and they don’t actually hear what the person replies.  So LISTENING is very important, because the next question, will present itself quite naturally, if you do.

When you are ending the conversation, if this is someone you would like to talk to/meet again, then you need to let them know that.

I would normally say something along the lines of:-

Its been really great chatting, perhaps we can do it again sometime? “This is my cell/email, lets keep in touch”.  Keep it light and friendly but not pushy and most people at this point, will give you their email in return.

So Hints for initial meeting are:-

1) Practice asking questions, keep your attention on the other person and listen to their answers.

2) Tell them you had fun and give them your contact info. Dont ask for theirs, they will give it to you, if they want to.

3) A few days later Follow up by sending an email, simply saying you enjoyed meeting them and hope that you cross paths again soon.

Growing the relationship:

Much like a garden, friendships need regular nurturing and tender care, in order for them to flourish, especially early on.  This person needs to know they can trust you and this starts with simple things like being on time when you arrange to meet.  Even seemingly trivial things you don’t follow through on, may put a X against your name in your friends eyes. So don’t promise things you cannot fulfill, and make sure you do the things you say you will. One area many fall short, is in keeping conversations secret. If something is told to you in confidence, then it must remain in confidence……………always!

Dont expect the other person to do all the running.  If you feel you have connected with someone, then you will have to leave your comfort zone and instigate meetings.  If you sit around waiting on them because you’re unsure whether they really like you, then you could be waiting a long time.  It is entirely possible that your new friend is also shy and waiting for you to contact them.

So take a risk and send that email or make that call.

One very big mistake I feel people make when looking for friends, is to assume that One person is going to tick all the boxes you want.  This is very rarely the case. You, I am sure are a complicated person, with many different sides to your character and many different things you like to do. Finding one friend who has all the same likes and dislikes is almost impossible. So diversify!

I personally have different friends in different areas of my life and with whom, I do different things. The friend I go shopping with, is not the same person I go dancing with and the friend I discuss books with, is not the same person as either of them.  So don’t put all your eggs in one basket (as my grandmother would say).  Cultivate several friends, in different areas of your life and this way, there is not so much pressure on any one relationship.

You may, as I have been, lucky enough to become very good friends with many of them, for the rest of your life!

Good Luck

Coach Lin

Note : If you need more coaching around this issue, please email me direct at lin@helpinghand-lifecoaching.ca

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