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Helping Hand – Life Coaching

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Cocooning – What Is It & Why Do I Need It?

THE DICTIONARY DEFINITION OF COCOON IS ‘SOMETHING THAT ENVELOPS SOMEONE IN A PROTECTIVE OR COMFORTING WAY.


As a life coach I am often presented with clients who are paralyzed by indecision and overwhelmed by stress. The words “I don’t know who I am any more“, or “I cant seem to make even the simplest of decisions” are frequently uttered.  People are loosing their way and their identity at a rate I have not seen before.  Divorce, Job loss, Work Stress, Home Stress all contributing to an overload that is breaking us.

People are lost!


So what can we do & how do we get back to a more sustainable life style?

As an insect may wrap itself in a silky case to protect its pupae stage, then so too can humans. When a time for reflection or quite is needed or when change is forced upon us, cocooning allows us the time and safety to selfishly hide away.  Here we can process what is happening to us and allow ourselves the time to adjust.

Cocooning is every bit as important to us as it is to the insect.

newborn-1584746_1920From the very first time we were wrapped in a cosy blanket, cocooning us in a protected bubble of love, we have had a desire to return to this when ever we are worried, sick or scared. Snuggling up in a soft blanket on the sofa, or snuggling down in a feather filled quit is without doubt comforting to us all but for some reason, we often feel guilty when we take the time to do this.   As if it is a pleasure we have not earned or deserve.

Well I disagree with this thinking.


I believe we all need to feel safe, we all need to feel protected and sometimes we absolutely need it for our sanity and mental health.  I feel cocooning in times of need is a vital and important part of healing and the difference between coping and not coping.

I help many of my clients to find their way and often we start with a process of cocooning that I call Finding You.   It is an easy process, requires no great skill or expense and begins the process to get back in touch with who we are……..

And like the butterfly, Cocooning enables us to move on to the next stage of our lives, stronger, more beautiful and with confidence in our choices.butterfly-1218884_1920

 

Please accept this small gift to help you on your road to self discovery.

When you are ready to feel whole again, to feel in control again or dare I say HAPPY again. Please email me and I will teach you how to continue down this road……………..because you deserve it!

Also read Doing a Shirley Valentine The ultimate cocoon time.

Why Super Woman Must Die!

YES you read that right, its time for Super-Woman to disappear forever!

I am sitting here, a 59 year old #Life Coach, #Cancer #Survivor and wondering to myself, how the hell I get through to all the young women out there in their 30’s and 40’s who are trying to be Super-Woman?  I personally know lots of them and in most cases they are all chasing the illusion that they can indeed be Super Woman and that they can indeed have it all…….which of course it total rubbish!

How do I know its rubbish?

Continue reading “Why Super Woman Must Die!”

Accepting Change! WT* do I know?

Life coaches talk alot about change and how we should not fear but embrace change, how even bad changes, can ultimately be a good thing.
But who the heck are we, to lecture you on how you should feel or think about stuff that is happening in YOUR world?   How do we know its going to be okay, or what the best thing for you is in the long run ?

How is it we can say “change is good”?

Truth is, we dont know, not really. We don’t have guarentees that things will right themselves, or that your current negative situation is going to turn out ok.

WHAT WE DO HAVE, is some insight and hopefully
some personal experience that helps us, to move you through your challenge and enable you to feel good about it. Continue reading “Accepting Change! WT* do I know?”

Doing a Shirley Valentine!

You may be familiar with the Movie Shirley Valentine about a bored house wife in the UK who spends her days talking to her kitchen wall because …………..well…….because its there really. Fed up with her lot, Shirley decides one day to take off to Greece on her own, for a break. If you’ve seen the movie you will know that Shirley gets more than a break from her UK life and marriage…….she finds herself…..and this changes everything!

So is this a solution for us all?

Run off and find a beach to sit on, while we contemplate our life and future. Maybe, for some it is exactly what is needed. Continue reading “Doing a Shirley Valentine!”

Fractured Personalities & The Hats We Wear!

Last night I watched a movie about a young women whose
personality had fractured into 3 distinct people and it
started me thinking about what it is that makes up an adult
human personality?

What is it that makes you…You or me….Me?

Clearly we All have our different sides, elements of us that
we present to different people for different reasons but how
many different sides or faces of me, does it take to make the
whole person?

I like to think of these different ‘sides’ of ourselves in
terms of hats. We select to wear different hats for different
occasions, just as our personality pops on a different you
depending on the encounter.

I wear my Mum Hat when with my boys, My Nana Hat with my
grandsons, another for my husband or friends and yet an
entirely different one when working. In fact I could probably
fill a hat store, if I listed them all.

Each time we don a different hat, it is for a reason, a way
for us to cope in a particular situation. My Mum Hat, enables
me to nurture, love & fiercely protect my children; My Work Hat
displays more distance and objectivity; my Husband Hat...well
that one is pretty much the entire store, we’ve been together
so long. 🙂 but i am sure you get my drift.

We have emotional hats too:-

A Rain Hat for example is tough and impenetrable, it protects
us from the wet. So when we wear this we probably feel in need of protection from a situation, its our vulnerable & defensive side.

A Straw Hat we Hatstrawkidswear on sunny days, perhaps indicating we are in a happy more carefree mode.

 

These sides of ourselves, these metaphorical hats we wear,
form a coherent personality, swapping in and out as need
be, providing us with the skills we need in any given situation
enabling us to navigate our lives. They are generally not
fractured as they were with the young woman in the movie but
working together to make us a coherent whole.


But who has control?

Surely there has to be a manager of this store, some side of
our personality who decides which hat is being worn and when?
Who is the boss of you?

I suspect for most of us, it is the side we call experience!
The managerial hat of experience has learnt what hat needs to
be worn in each situation and sends you out correctly attired.

So why sometimes do things go wrong?

I feel personality disorders can stem from lack of management
or from mis management. With the young women in the movie, a
significant event in her life had sent her manager into hiding
and there was no longer a coherent whole. Once this happened,
different side / hats start to emerge as separate or distinct
personas, each vying for a spot in the hot seat.

To a lesser degree, I feel that this can happen to us all.


Have there not been times in your life when you don’t feel like
you (the manager) has control? Have we all not experienced
times when one or other of our emotions or hats takes over
management and screws us up?


Perhaps the Helmet of Fear keeps you from doing something or
encourages you to run? And because fear is a basic human
emotion, it is strong and suppresses all other sides in doing
so? But Fear is not a good manager and makes bad decisions.Hathard
It dominates and does not allow other hats to come forth so we are now trapped wearing a hat that is inappropriate for other situations. We end up becoming stuck inside the protection of our helmet. Once fear gains a foothold, its a tough hat to penetrate or remove. Its only interest is survival of self at a very basic level.

I feel that all hats have their place, we need the facade, the different faces to navigate our world. However when the wrong side of you shows up at the wrong occasion…….problems usually ensue. Keeping control of the many sides of our personality is not always an easy task and sometimes it can become just too difficult and problems begin.  Certainly a key event in our lives, or perhaps just a long drawn out stressful situation, something that stresses us beyond our ability to cope, can trigger a lost of control.

And Our manager goes on strike!

Coach Lin

 


NOTE: I am not a psychiatrist these are just my thoughts based on my study of physcology, observations and my experience as a coach. Many people come to me stuck inside the Helmet of Fear, if that is you, or if you feel you are losing control, please know there is help available. You do not have to manage the situation alone.

I now have my Writer Hat on Cowgirlhatand would very much like to know what you think………?  Please feel free to comment here or drop me an email at info@helpinghand-lifecoaching.com

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“How Can Coaching Help Me?”

This is a question I hear often from callers to my App Help Line, it’s usually one of the first things people ask. Some hImageave tried counselling or a therapist in the past and cannot see how coaching may differ or get them results.

“Dont we need to be face to face?”   –  Is the next question, usually followed by

How do I know if you are any good?”  So here are a few answers :-

Coaching differs from other forms of therapy in several very important ways.

Coaching is not NOT about your past, it’s about moving forward, so coaches do not spend lots of time trying to identify psychological problems or to diagnose conditions.  We may need a general idea of what has happened or of who you are, so we have a better idea of what has already been tried and what was successful or not.  We also do NOT write prescriptions or diagnose any conditions, ever!  We are not here to label or judge you but to assist you in your endeavour or aid you to solve your problem.

Coaches use carefully crafted questions and fine tuned listening skills to help you find your own answers.  We do not tell you what to do or how to do it, we guide you to your own solutions.  This way, as a plan of action unfolds, it is likely to succeed because YOU are the one mapping it out.  A coach then helps you to keep on track or adjust your plan as necessary.

We do not need to be able to see you to help you. In fact I find it better to have voice only sessions with my clients as this enables me to HEAR the things that arent being said, better. Subtle tones in a voice or hesitation in answers, can mean a lot to a trained coach and this gives me an indication of what questions need to be asked next. Asking the right questions is a huge part of being a good coach. 

HOGlargebanner

So how do you know, if I am a good coach or indeed the right coach for you?

Well you can goggle me or check out my website, where there is a lot of information about me and some client testimonials.  If you need more go to my Cancer Blog, but ultimately it’s probably a trial and error situation. If you are not happy after the first session, then you do not need to do more.  I do not require my clients to pay upfront for weeks or months in advance, and I also will refund you if you are truly unhappy (although I have never had to do this yet).  I have also found that coaching can be successful in just a few sessions, with the average being around 6. Not the months on end that many seem to feel is needed.  I will also allow pay as you go coaching sessions so you don’t have to pre book your time months in advance. As long as we can find a slot when you need it, you’re in.

So to recap:- YOU GETManOnCell

  • No judgment or character assignation
  • Help to find your own Answers
  • Convenient, just pick up the phone, IM or Skype.
  • Usually does not take months to achieve success
  • Can use Pay As You Go no need to pre schedule
  • Client Testimonials for piece of mind
  • First session refundable, if not happy.

Make 2016 the Year You Make The Change.

Contact Me Now!

Life Coaching – Taking My Own Advice!

So I need to apologise to all my readers for my absence the past few months.

Things in my life were becoming very hectic.  I have several serious health issues to deal with, My youngest son was getting ready to move with his family to the other side of the continent and my work load was becoming stressful. ……………SO I took some time off.

I stepped back from it all and took some time out to reevaluate how to move forward in a more balanced way.

Why am I telling you this?

Well, I want to show you that even though I am a life coach and ‘know better’, it is all to easy for life to spiral out of control.

The last time that happened to me, I ended up with Breast Cancer. so now I try to be more aware  However, 12 years later, I was once again letting things drift into chaos and I was back on the cancer merry-go-round of poking, prodding and specialist appointments.

So after a few days rest and more rounds of medical tests,  I finally sat down and asked myself “what would I say to a client in this situation?

My answer came quickly “something needs to change, if you want changes in your life”.

One of my particular ‘hangups’ has been focused around my part-time tech job.  Even though my Coaching Practice is running well, I was finding it hard to quit this part-time corporate job: so I decided I needed to start with this and ask myself WHY ?  After much soul-searching I came to realise that I was afraid.  I have been dealing with Cancer and its fallout for 12 years, I realised I was afraid that if I quit, no one else would ever hire me.

It was only when I asked myself why that frightened me and what I actually liked about this job, that I realised the absurdity of these feelings.  I had not been happy in that work in a long time, in fact I resented the hours I was working in the role.  Plus, I did not want or have any intention of ever working in a corporate job again.  It was so far from what I wanted, that the fear of not having it, was ludicrous.

SO I QUIT IT!

Boy did I ever feel better the next day!  A huge burden was lifted and I felt free to move on in my life with enthusiasm and purpose, doing what I love, which is coaching others.

I am still having tests and still have many medical issues ahead of me but I feel so much lighter to have relieved myself of this burden.  The fear I thought I would feel is not there, not in the slightest.  I now feel I can take on what ever obstacles come my way in terms of heath issues, with renewed vigor and I know success.

I am also so very happy to be back doing what I love to do……………..blog and coach others to find the same great feeling when you know, you are in tune with your life’s purpose.

See you on the bright side 🙂

Coach Lin

Are You Heading Down the Rabbit Hole?

Are you so exhausted & overwhelmed that its hard to just keep going ?

This is almost a normal these days and none of us seem immune, even me.

Feelings Overwhelmed. Can no longer CopeLife has been very busy for me over the past little while and I have recently caught myself falling into that “too many things on my plate” trap, that seems to so easily invade our lives.

Now I know better!

In fact, I am always preaching that there must be balance and yet, here I am once again sliding down the rabbit hole into a world of rushed meals, long hours working and lack of care for me. The last time I allowed this to happen, CANCER ENTERED MY LIFE and I do not plan on that happening ever again.

Time to stop the madness.

Easy to say and not so easy to actually do, given that I am a pretty typical type A personality and that a lot of what I am involved in, I really enjoy. But once the feelings start to become ones of overwhelm, the sirens should go off.

So time to turn my attention fully to the NOT so enjoyable stuff and see what I can let go of. Because, its the not so enjoyable stuff that gets to us, that bring us down emotionally and eventually physically. We do not tend to feel overwhelmed or over burdened when its something we enjoy.

It is not simply the burden of work but the kind of burden the work imposes on us.

Many of you will know that as well as my work as a coach & mentor, I have a job as a Technical Support Analyst, which I have had for quite a long time. It pays well, I work from home, can pick my hours and never have to battle a snow storm, which are all desirable features given the numerous problems I have had since my cancer treatments.

However, I no longer like doing this.

In fact I would go so far as to say I really hate it!! Not a good thing.

So it is easy to see where I need to make the changes but if I walk away from this job, it is entirely possible I will not be able to get another one, should I need to. Even though I don’t feel I will ‘need to’, its hard to let go. Especially as some of the benefits of this position, will not be available to me personally as an ex cancer patient.

There in lies the route of my issue really.

Do I quit so as to gain more balance in my life and protect myself from further Cancer?

OR Do I stay with the benefits & security?

Clearly QUIT is the only sensible option here. You know this, I know this!

But when did sense ever enter into what is an emotional issue?

Fear is the emotion that is holding me back and driving my thought process around this, not my logic.

I have in fact made my decision but I wanted to demonstrate that we each have our emotinal triggers around certain issues, things that stop us from doing what is actually “BEST for US”.

When you are in that place it is also sometimes very difficult to see and this is where working with a coach can really be helpful. Coaches are trained to listen to you closely and often hear the emotion that you are not aware of; once this is identified, it is amazing how quickly action can be planned and taken.

Time for change!

Coach Lin

Note:If you are feeling stuck, unable to make a decisions; if you are feeling in any way overwhelmed with your work load or life; a few sessions with the right coach, may well be the best gift you could ever give yourself.

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