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Helping Hand – Life Coaching

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mental-health

Cocooning – What Is It & Why Do I Need It?

THE DICTIONARY DEFINITION OF COCOON IS ‘SOMETHING THAT ENVELOPS SOMEONE IN A PROTECTIVE OR COMFORTING WAY.


As a life coach I am often presented with clients who are paralyzed by indecision and overwhelmed by stress. The words “I don’t know who I am any more“, or “I cant seem to make even the simplest of decisions” are frequently uttered.  People are loosing their way and their identity at a rate I have not seen before.  Divorce, Job loss, Work Stress, Home Stress all contributing to an overload that is breaking us.

People are lost!


So what can we do & how do we get back to a more sustainable life style?

As an insect may wrap itself in a silky case to protect its pupae stage, then so too can humans. When a time for reflection or quite is needed or when change is forced upon us, cocooning allows us the time and safety to selfishly hide away.  Here we can process what is happening to us and allow ourselves the time to adjust.

Cocooning is every bit as important to us as it is to the insect.

newborn-1584746_1920From the very first time we were wrapped in a cosy blanket, cocooning us in a protected bubble of love, we have had a desire to return to this when ever we are worried, sick or scared. Snuggling up in a soft blanket on the sofa, or snuggling down in a feather filled quit is without doubt comforting to us all but for some reason, we often feel guilty when we take the time to do this.   As if it is a pleasure we have not earned or deserve.

Well I disagree with this thinking.


I believe we all need to feel safe, we all need to feel protected and sometimes we absolutely need it for our sanity and mental health.  I feel cocooning in times of need is a vital and important part of healing and the difference between coping and not coping.

I help many of my clients to find their way and often we start with a process of cocooning that I call Finding You.   It is an easy process, requires no great skill or expense and begins the process to get back in touch with who we are……..

And like the butterfly, Cocooning enables us to move on to the next stage of our lives, stronger, more beautiful and with confidence in our choices.butterfly-1218884_1920

 

Please accept this small gift to help you on your road to self discovery.

When you are ready to feel whole again, to feel in control again or dare I say HAPPY again. Please email me and I will teach you how to continue down this road……………..because you deserve it!

Also read Doing a Shirley Valentine The ultimate cocoon time.

HelloMe

 

Bell Lets Talk – Canada Mental Health Day

Head to your social media sights today everyone because its Bell Canada’s Mental Health Day and Bell will donate money for every share of their posts.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10153788427035953&id=590845952

#BellLetsTalk #depression

I too am slashing my rates for you guys out there :-

Depression

Feeling Good – Our Natural State.

As I sit here on my balcony in sunny Mexico it is easy to see the world in all its glory. To look out at the ocean and admire the colours, the sounds, the smells. To see the deepness of the blue sky and feel wonder at the depth of colour. It is easy to feel good in such a place.

But it was not always so.

I too have seen the dark and cold side of life. Continue reading “Feeling Good – Our Natural State.”

Fractured Personalities & The Hats We Wear!

Last night I watched a movie about a young women whose
personality had fractured into 3 distinct people and it
started me thinking about what it is that makes up an adult
human personality?

What is it that makes you…You or me….Me?

Clearly we All have our different sides, elements of us that
we present to different people for different reasons but how
many different sides or faces of me, does it take to make the
whole person?

I like to think of these different ‘sides’ of ourselves in
terms of hats. We select to wear different hats for different
occasions, just as our personality pops on a different you
depending on the encounter.

I wear my Mum Hat when with my boys, My Nana Hat with my
grandsons, another for my husband or friends and yet an
entirely different one when working. In fact I could probably
fill a hat store, if I listed them all.

Each time we don a different hat, it is for a reason, a way
for us to cope in a particular situation. My Mum Hat, enables
me to nurture, love & fiercely protect my children; My Work Hat
displays more distance and objectivity; my Husband Hat...well
that one is pretty much the entire store, we’ve been together
so long. 🙂 but i am sure you get my drift.

We have emotional hats too:-

A Rain Hat for example is tough and impenetrable, it protects
us from the wet. So when we wear this we probably feel in need of protection from a situation, its our vulnerable & defensive side.

A Straw Hat we Hatstrawkidswear on sunny days, perhaps indicating we are in a happy more carefree mode.

 

These sides of ourselves, these metaphorical hats we wear,
form a coherent personality, swapping in and out as need
be, providing us with the skills we need in any given situation
enabling us to navigate our lives. They are generally not
fractured as they were with the young woman in the movie but
working together to make us a coherent whole.


But who has control?

Surely there has to be a manager of this store, some side of
our personality who decides which hat is being worn and when?
Who is the boss of you?

I suspect for most of us, it is the side we call experience!
The managerial hat of experience has learnt what hat needs to
be worn in each situation and sends you out correctly attired.

So why sometimes do things go wrong?

I feel personality disorders can stem from lack of management
or from mis management. With the young women in the movie, a
significant event in her life had sent her manager into hiding
and there was no longer a coherent whole. Once this happened,
different side / hats start to emerge as separate or distinct
personas, each vying for a spot in the hot seat.

To a lesser degree, I feel that this can happen to us all.


Have there not been times in your life when you don’t feel like
you (the manager) has control? Have we all not experienced
times when one or other of our emotions or hats takes over
management and screws us up?


Perhaps the Helmet of Fear keeps you from doing something or
encourages you to run? And because fear is a basic human
emotion, it is strong and suppresses all other sides in doing
so? But Fear is not a good manager and makes bad decisions.Hathard
It dominates and does not allow other hats to come forth so we are now trapped wearing a hat that is inappropriate for other situations. We end up becoming stuck inside the protection of our helmet. Once fear gains a foothold, its a tough hat to penetrate or remove. Its only interest is survival of self at a very basic level.

I feel that all hats have their place, we need the facade, the different faces to navigate our world. However when the wrong side of you shows up at the wrong occasion…….problems usually ensue. Keeping control of the many sides of our personality is not always an easy task and sometimes it can become just too difficult and problems begin.  Certainly a key event in our lives, or perhaps just a long drawn out stressful situation, something that stresses us beyond our ability to cope, can trigger a lost of control.

And Our manager goes on strike!

Coach Lin

 


NOTE: I am not a psychiatrist these are just my thoughts based on my study of physcology, observations and my experience as a coach. Many people come to me stuck inside the Helmet of Fear, if that is you, or if you feel you are losing control, please know there is help available. You do not have to manage the situation alone.

I now have my Writer Hat on Cowgirlhatand would very much like to know what you think………?  Please feel free to comment here or drop me an email at info@helpinghand-lifecoaching.com

Mental Health & Men, Depression Hurts Everyone!

Image

This year the Bell Canada’s “Bell Lets Talk” day raised 5.5 Million for mental heath programs across Canada which is amazing!

When reading this my mind was dwelling on the issue of Depression and just how many people and their families are affected by it.

Its a word we tend to toss around with ease but few will admit to being depressed, especially when it comes to the male of the species.  Yet 1 in 5 of us will suffer from depression at some point in our lives and there are now some very effective treatments.

If left alone or ignored, it will slowly claim a persons being and maybe, even their life. Yet few of us seek help.

So what can we do about this? 

First I feel we all need to change our thinking on Depression and what it truly is.  It is not as simple as ‘feeling down’ and does not respond to innuendo’s of ‘being lazy’ or remarks of ‘pull yourself together man‘.  I feel it is partly this sort of attitude that stops people (men in particular) from seeking the help they need. They feel there is some sigma attached, that they will not be seen as ‘strong’ if they admit to this.

As a coach I have worked with men suffering from depression. They have come to coaching rather than more traditional therapy often because of this shame. It seems that where they may find it hard to explain why they are seeing a Psychologist or Psychiatrist, they can admit to seeing a Life Coach without a public admission of weakness of any kind. Presumable this is because Life Coaches help people with many different goals, so the topic of illness is not mentioned. But also I feel it is because men are often not comfortable talking about their feelings or digging up the past and Coaching is about forward movement, which suits men’s problem solving natures.

Certainly many still need medication and doctor care and good coaches recognise and advise this but coaching seems to give men that outlet they don’t have………….someone to talk to, without the tag of being a looser.

Coaches don’t dwell on the past, they don’t try and ‘fix you’, we help you move forward from a place where you may feel stuck, unable to cope and very alone. Coaches help people to think about things differently, to open up new possibilities and this seems to appeal to men’s need to do something about it.

With this in mind I am launching a campaign called

Man Depression Deal
Special Deal, Price Slashed! Usually $125 an hour

 

I want to get you guys talking, so I am offering an hour of my time for the greatly slashed price of

ONLY $75

Let us all stop treating Depression like something unclean or weak.  It takes a very strong person to bare it alone and an ever stronger one, to ask for help.  Please just click on the image above and lets get started. 

I look forward to hearing from you.

Coach Lin

 

All rights reserved. © Helping Hand – Life Coaching 2014

Making Decisions – Are You Any Good?

If in doubt…………….then don’t!

I can still hear my grandmother uttering these words as she was explaining to us ‘young un’s’, how to tell if something was naughty or not.  “If” she would say, “you feel something is not quite right or it makes you feel icky in any way, then DONT DO IT!!”

Grandmother was born and raised in another time, one where respect for rules and manners were of the highest importance. She would think nothing of washing your mouth out with soap (very unpleasant), if you broke any of them and this included such things as a disrespectful glance or shrug.

You simply did what my grandmother said…………no questions asked.

If in doubt…………….then don’t!

Is as true for adults as it is children.  We all have that little nagging thought of doubt when we are doing something we know we probably shouldnt…….right?

We can have doubt over important decisions ‘should I change job?’  ‘should I have a baby?’ or everyday small ones; you know the little internal conversations we have with ourselves when we are buying something we can’t really afford, or having another helping of pie we really don’t need.

Doubt is in our genetics, it is honed in our childhoods and evolves via our experiences throughout our lives. It is our protector, our moral compass and guide.  It helps us navigate this complicated social world with as little harm as possible.

I know for some people struggling with a decision; it is hard to know if it is doubt stopping them or fear? …………….However I feel generally, that fear can stem from doubt & doubt from fear, so really they are basically the same. Something deep in your sub-conscience is warning you, to not proceed……..!

If in doubt…………….then don’t!

Some of us suppress doubt better than others and proceed anyway.

In fact some people are so good at suppressing, that it’s as if they no longer have a conscience at all. But for most of us, we know when we have crossed our line and as a result, we will feel guilt, which is the real punisher AND make no mistake, Guilt can ruin lives and Guilt can Kill!

(Guilt can lead to additions, self loathing and even suicide).

Of course there is always a time when we need to override our instincts, to ignore the doubt or update the parameters but do so knowingly. Being aware that you are crossing your line, even if it’s a small one, is the difference between conscious decision and the inevitable…………guilt.

If in doubt…………….then don’t!

I have found these 5 little words have helped me to make the right choices big or small, in my life and importantly, at the right time (not to mention avoid the carbolic soap).:) So next time you hear that little tap, tap, tap of nagging doubt, give it an airing; listen to yourself and if you find you have no reason to negate this doubt, heed it and know that:-

When there is NO doubt, it is indeed the right thing to do and the right time to do it!

Coach Lin

Making Decisions with Coach Lin

Are You Heading Down the Rabbit Hole?

Are you so exhausted & overwhelmed that its hard to just keep going ?

This is almost a normal these days and none of us seem immune, even me.

Feelings Overwhelmed. Can no longer CopeLife has been very busy for me over the past little while and I have recently caught myself falling into that “too many things on my plate” trap, that seems to so easily invade our lives.

Now I know better!

In fact, I am always preaching that there must be balance and yet, here I am once again sliding down the rabbit hole into a world of rushed meals, long hours working and lack of care for me. The last time I allowed this to happen, CANCER ENTERED MY LIFE and I do not plan on that happening ever again.

Time to stop the madness.

Easy to say and not so easy to actually do, given that I am a pretty typical type A personality and that a lot of what I am involved in, I really enjoy. But once the feelings start to become ones of overwhelm, the sirens should go off.

So time to turn my attention fully to the NOT so enjoyable stuff and see what I can let go of. Because, its the not so enjoyable stuff that gets to us, that bring us down emotionally and eventually physically. We do not tend to feel overwhelmed or over burdened when its something we enjoy.

It is not simply the burden of work but the kind of burden the work imposes on us.

Many of you will know that as well as my work as a coach & mentor, I have a job as a Technical Support Analyst, which I have had for quite a long time. It pays well, I work from home, can pick my hours and never have to battle a snow storm, which are all desirable features given the numerous problems I have had since my cancer treatments.

However, I no longer like doing this.

In fact I would go so far as to say I really hate it!! Not a good thing.

So it is easy to see where I need to make the changes but if I walk away from this job, it is entirely possible I will not be able to get another one, should I need to. Even though I don’t feel I will ‘need to’, its hard to let go. Especially as some of the benefits of this position, will not be available to me personally as an ex cancer patient.

There in lies the route of my issue really.

Do I quit so as to gain more balance in my life and protect myself from further Cancer?

OR Do I stay with the benefits & security?

Clearly QUIT is the only sensible option here. You know this, I know this!

But when did sense ever enter into what is an emotional issue?

Fear is the emotion that is holding me back and driving my thought process around this, not my logic.

I have in fact made my decision but I wanted to demonstrate that we each have our emotinal triggers around certain issues, things that stop us from doing what is actually “BEST for US”.

When you are in that place it is also sometimes very difficult to see and this is where working with a coach can really be helpful. Coaches are trained to listen to you closely and often hear the emotion that you are not aware of; once this is identified, it is amazing how quickly action can be planned and taken.

Time for change!

Coach Lin

Note:If you are feeling stuck, unable to make a decisions; if you are feeling in any way overwhelmed with your work load or life; a few sessions with the right coach, may well be the best gift you could ever give yourself.

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