The most common question I am asked about relationships is….
” How do I know if they are the one? “
The truth is, that generally you don’t; certainly not at first. Some of us are lucky and have great instincts that help us out but for most it’s a hit and miss kinda thing, which can end in hurt and rejection. This scares us, so much so, that many of us are unable to take that initial plunge and take the hand being proffered. All sorts of negative thoughts can run through our minds and before we know it, the defense is up and its impenetrable.
Not, if you are doing it out of some sort of quilt or sense of obligation. In fact you can almost guarantee failure if this is your motivation and unfortunately this tends to be the driving factor behind most New Years resolutions.
We feel we should because we ate too much over the holiday or because it’s what we are supposed to do on Jan 1.
But I say this year dont bother!
Why? Well, because few succeed and failure is not a good way to start a new year. ”
Instead make a promise to yourself to revisit the whole goal setting thing at a later date and book mark it in your calendar.
Goals are only achievable if you truly WANT to succeed AND are ready to commit.
Trying to quit smoking because you ‘think you should’ is never going to work….you have to be at a place where you really, really want to stop and only then will it work. No amount of gadgets or aides or personal coaches are going to help you succeed if you don’t actually want to. Its domed from the start.
So the only goal worth setting right now, is to set that reminder.
When you reminder pops up in say March or April (I like April for this as spring is in the air and we tend to feel rejuvenated), then is the time to sit down and really think about it. Take a good look at your life and where it is heading ….
Is it going where you want it to? If not, why?
How can you get it on track?
What is not working?
What is working?
What do you WANT, not what you need or think you should do but what you want.
Write your ideas down as notes (‘post its’ are great for this), just brainstorm them for now, dont hold back, let your heart guide you here
Once you have done this, leave them for a few days and let them all exist for now.
When you revisit them, start to look for patterns, ways in which one idea might help achieve another, for example getting fit would be assisted by quitting smoking. Sort them into themes.
Now you can start to actually format them into goals, or a life plan as I like to call it……..some short term goals, some long . . some small steps some bigger ones that may take you out of your comfort zone. All however heading towards what you actually WANT……. Then and only then, will you stand a chance of success.
And remember to keep in mind my golden rule 🙂 All goals should be changeable!!
You can revisit this plan and update or change it when ever you want.
It is after all YOUR life plan, no one elses and should be as adaptable as you are.
(and if you have a particular goal that you really want but still can’t seem to accomplish on your own, this would be the time to look into finding a coach or selp help workshop, to help get you there).