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I don’t know what to do

Cocooning – What Is It & Why Do I Need It?

THE DICTIONARY DEFINITION OF COCOON IS ‘SOMETHING THAT ENVELOPS SOMEONE IN A PROTECTIVE OR COMFORTING WAY.

As a life coach I am often presented with clients who are paralyzed by indecision and overwhelmed by stress. The words “I don’t know who I am any more“, or “I cant seem to make even the simplest of decisions” are frequently uttered.  People are loosing their way and their identity at a rate I have not seen before.  Divorce, Job loss, Work Stress, Home Stress all contributing to an overload that is breaking us.

People are lost!

So what can we do & how do we get back to a more sustainable life style?

As an insect may wrap itself in a silky case to protect its pupae stage, then so too can humans. When a time for reflection or quite is needed or when change is forced upon us, cocooning allows us the time and safety to selfishly hide away.  Here we can process what is happening to us and allow ourselves the time to adjust.

Cocooning is every bit as important to us as it is to the insect.

newborn-1584746_1920From the very first time we were wrapped in a cosy blanket, cocooning us in a protected bubble of love, we have had a desire to return to this when ever we are worried, sick or scared. Snuggling up in a soft blanket on the sofa, or snuggling down in a feather filled quit is without doubt comforting to us all but for some reason, we often feel guilty when we take the time to do this.   As if it is a pleasure we have not earned or deserve.

Well I disagree with this thinking.

I believe we all need to feel safe, we all need to feel protected and sometimes we absolutely need it for our sanity and mental health.  I feel cocooning in times of need is a vital and important part of healing and the difference between coping and not coping.

I help many of my clients to find their way and often we start with a process of cocooning that I call Finding You.   It is an easy process, requires no great skill or expense and begins the process to get back in touch with who we are……..

And like the butterfly, Cocooning enables us to move on to the next stage of our lives, stronger, more beautiful and with confidence in our choices.butterfly-1218884_1920

 

Please accept this small gift to help you on your road to self discovery.

When you are ready to feel whole again, to feel in control again or dare I say HAPPY again. Please email me and I will teach you how to continue down this road……………..because you deserve it!

Also read Doing a Shirley Valentine The ultimate cocoon time.

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Doing a Shirley Valentine!

You may be familiar with the Movie Shirley Valentine about a bored house wife in the UK who spends her days talking to her kitchen wall because …………..well…….because its there really. Fed up with her lot, Shirley decides one day to take off to Greece on her own, for a break. If you’ve seen the movie you will know that Shirley gets more than a break from her UK life and marriage…….she finds herself…..and this changes everything!

So is this a solution for us all?

Run off and find a beach to sit on, while we contemplate our life and future. Maybe, for some it is exactly what is needed. Continue reading “Doing a Shirley Valentine!” →

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“How Can Coaching Help Me?”

This is a question I hear often from callers to my App Help Line, it’s usually one of the first things people ask. Some hImageave tried counselling or a therapist in the past and cannot see how coaching may differ or get them results.

“Dont we need to be face to face?”   –  Is the next question, usually followed by

“How do I know if you are any good?”  – So here are a few answers :-

Coaching differs from other forms of therapy in several very important ways.

Coaching is not NOT about your past, it’s about moving forward, so coaches do not spend lots of time trying to identify psychological problems or to diagnose conditions.  We may need a general idea of what has happened or of who you are, so we have a better idea of what has already been tried and what was successful or not.  We also do NOT write prescriptions or diagnose any conditions, ever!  We are not here to label or judge you but to assist you in your endeavour or aid you to solve your problem.

Coaches use carefully crafted questions and fine tuned listening skills to help you find your own answers.  We do not tell you what to do or how to do it, we guide you to your own solutions.  This way, as a plan of action unfolds, it is likely to succeed because YOU are the one mapping it out.  A coach then helps you to keep on track or adjust your plan as necessary.

We do not need to be able to see you to help you. In fact I find it better to have voice only sessions with my clients as this enables me to HEAR the things that arent being said, better. Subtle tones in a voice or hesitation in answers, can mean a lot to a trained coach and this gives me an indication of what questions need to be asked next. Asking the right questions is a huge part of being a good coach. 

HOGlargebanner

So how do you know, if I am a good coach or indeed the right coach for you?

Well you can goggle me or check out my website, where there is a lot of information about me and some client testimonials.  If you need more go to my Cancer Blog, but ultimately it’s probably a trial and error situation. If you are not happy after the first session, then you do not need to do more.  I do not require my clients to pay upfront for weeks or months in advance, and I also will refund you if you are truly unhappy (although I have never had to do this yet).  I have also found that coaching can be successful in just a few sessions, with the average being around 6. Not the months on end that many seem to feel is needed.  I will also allow pay as you go coaching sessions so you don’t have to pre book your time months in advance. As long as we can find a slot when you need it, you’re in.

So to recap:- YOU GETManOnCell

  • No judgment or character assignation
  • Help to find your own Answers
  • Convenient, just pick up the phone, IM or Skype.
  • Usually does not take months to achieve success
  • Can use Pay As You Go no need to pre schedule
  • Client Testimonials for piece of mind
  • First session refundable, if not happy.

Make 2016 the Year You Make The Change.

Contact Me Now!

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How To Keep Your Man

Relationship or Dictatorship?

So you found him, hooked him and now you just have to hang on to him. Isn’t that how girls are supposed to think?………...NO?

Then, how come in this supposedly enlightened age, I hear from so many young women who are thinking and acting this way?

Why is it young women feel its up to them to make the sacrifices in a relationship?  Why do they feel its up to them to adjust, give up their friends and family, give up going out socially, wear what they are told and absolutely NEVER ever look in the direction of another man?

For many young women it seems anything goes when it comes to keeping their man.  They will quite literally do all they can to hang on to him……what ever the situation.

Its seem to matter not how this man is actually treating them, as long as they can call him “my man” its okay. They will forgive him any and everything. Prostrate themselves and endure all manner of abuse in order to keep him……….why?

Of course some would say there is probably a psychological reason for this behaviour relating to their families or upbringing but I feel its deeper than that. This submissive behaviour cannot all be written off as an “abused past or childhood experience”, it seems more widespread than that.

There seems to be a deep-seated inadequacy. No matter how loud these women may talk, no matter how educated they may get or how high they climb the corporate ladder, many young women still expect to have to bend to the will of their man; AND, once they have him, they will do whatever it takes to keep him.

So what do I say when asked “How do I keep my man from leaving?”

I reply “First you have to find him, and to do this, you have to find yourself”!

You need to have a strong sense of self. To know what you think and feel about major issues, from rearing children to taxes. Because to move forward with a man you need to either think alike or be able to discuss your differences and agree on an outcome, without anyone feeling trampled on.

Neither of you should ever feel afraid to express your opinion, because if you are, that is how YOU begin to lose the relationship and yourself.

If you are in a relationship that is slowly taking away all that is you, then it is not a healthy relationship and no matter how frightening, how terrified of being on your own you may be, you must leave it. There is simply no future in any relationship that requires one of the parties to change who they are or live in a fearful way!

Yes there are adjustments to make, things to get used to about each other but if you are being over ruled all the time or feel you no longer have an opinion or are being manipulated, then its time to get out!

The number 1 rule for any relationship is:-

“Both parties must have the freedom to regulate their own behaviour! “

Without this, you do not have a Relationship, you have a Dictatorship.

So instead of asking how you keep your man………….ask yourself….“Do I want to keep him and why?”

Coach Lin

Note: I am a certified life coach who has been with her husband for 39 years. I have two children and five grandchildren, so have leant much about keeping relationships alive and well. If you are in need of help, please contact me. I can help:-


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Things I DONT LIKE – A Weekend Exercise.

Broke, no money, no life

Things I DONT LIKE!

One thing that has surprised me since I became a life coach, is how often people don’t know what they want.Don't know what you want?

Seriously, it seems people want changed but don’t really know what change or how to find out what it is they truly want.  I would asked them to make a list of things they like or what they would like their life to look like but without some jogging from me, people would generally get stuck quite quickly. So, I decided to go about this a different way.

I now ask them to make a list of all the

things they DONT LIKE!

Boy oh boy, does this list grow fast and furiously.   It seems the general negative mind set most of us have, can easily list things we dislike. In fact things jump into our minds very quickly and it can end up being quite a long list.

So as a weekend exercise I thought you might like to try this too.

Spend just a few quite minutes this weekend jotting down ALL the things that you do not like.  Don’t judge yourself or try to edit as you write, just write it down and BE HONEST with yourself

It might include things like:-

  • “I don’t like not having enough money to pay my bills”
  • “I don’t like bullies”
  • “I don’t like mushrooms”
  • “I don’t like my boss /job”
  • “I don’t like being overweight”
  • “I don’t like being unfit”
  • “I don’t like people being hungry”
  • “I don’t like running the kids all over town”
  • “I don’t like not having a social life”

So just let the Don’t Likes flow, what ever they are.  It does not matter whether you think you can do anything about any of it…………just write it down.

Once you have finished this large list (Oh I promise you it will be large).  Then you can start to break it up into general groups and it might look something like this:-

Group 1 – Global issues

  • I don’t like bullies
  • I don’t like people being hungry

Broke, no money, no lifeGroup 2 – Family issues

I don’t like driving the kids all over town

  • I don’t like not being able to pay my bills

Group 3 – Personal issues

  • I don’t like being overweight /unfit
  • I don’t like my Boss /Job
  • I don’t like not having a social life
  • I don’t like mushrooms

(This may not be the way you would group, you might want to try grouping by time frame needed to do something about them. For example: – Can do something about now; Can do something about his over the next year; Can do something about over long haul. What ever works best for your mind set is what is the right way for YOU to group thing.

So now you have it all the things you don’t like and they are grouped accordingly. What would be a good place to start?

________________________________________________________________________

I like to look at this in terms of what is most important to you RIGHT NOW? What would make the biggest change to your mindset / life. if you tackled it right away?

Using the above examples you might feel that being overweight / unfit is a good place to start but before you head off to the gym or grocery store try to answer this:-

Why you are overweight /unfit in the first place?

Are you simply lazy or is it perhaps just a symptom of not liking your job OR not liking driving the kids all over town OR even, not liking the fact you are struggling to pay your bills?

IN order to succeed at anything you need to understand the root cause of the problem and tackle that as your priority.

So if we again use the above lists, if you look at the FAMILY issues, you may find that ‘driving the kids all over town’ is the root cause because :-

  • It costs so much in fuel & fees for clubs/teams and makes paying the bills harder.
  • It costs too much in terms of your time & means you have no time to exercise.
  • It means you have no social life, as you’re always on call for the kids.

Notice the bits I have highlighted:-

Costs so much – no time to exercise – always on call.

(These are all pretty powerful reasons you may not be exercising enough).

So in this case, as a Coach I might be suggesting that you would start by trying to deal with this FAMILY issue first.  Some reorganising of schedules, some better sharing of the families time and resources (money, car) may in fact free up both time and money; enough to allow you to get that exercise and get fit, which in term may help your weight and even your social life.

Sometimes the order in which we tackle problems is key

to how successful we are at achieve the results we want.

I hope you have enjoyed doing this exercise and I hope it helps you to understand what the underlying causes of your problems may be and how to find what motivates you so you can begin to understand – What it is you truly want.

Coach Lin

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