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Why Super Woman Must Die!

YES you read that right, its time for Super-Woman to disappear forever!

I am sitting here, a 59 year old #Life Coach, #Cancer #Survivor and wondering to myself, how the hell I get through to all the young women out there in their 30’s and 40’s who are trying to be Super-Woman?  I personally know lots of them and in most cases they are all chasing the illusion that they can indeed be Super Woman and that they can indeed have it all…….which of course it total rubbish!

How do I know its rubbish?

Continue reading “Why Super Woman Must Die!”

Hello Me!

Oh hey there…….I remember you.   Continue reading “Hello Me!”

Feeling Good – Our Natural State.

As I sit here on my balcony in sunny Mexico it is easy to see the world in all its glory. To look out at the ocean and admire the colours, the sounds, the smells. To see the deepness of the blue sky and feel wonder at the depth of colour. It is easy to feel good in such a place.

But it was not always so.

I too have seen the dark and cold side of life. Continue reading “Feeling Good – Our Natural State.”

Doing a Shirley Valentine!

You may be familiar with the Movie Shirley Valentine about a bored house wife in the UK who spends her days talking to her kitchen wall because …………..well…….because its there really. Fed up with her lot, Shirley decides one day to take off to Greece on her own, for a break. If you’ve seen the movie you will know that Shirley gets more than a break from her UK life and marriage…….she finds herself…..and this changes everything!

So is this a solution for us all?

Run off and find a beach to sit on, while we contemplate our life and future. Maybe, for some it is exactly what is needed. Continue reading “Doing a Shirley Valentine!”

Fractured Personalities & The Hats We Wear!

Last night I watched a movie about a young women whose
personality had fractured into 3 distinct people and it
started me thinking about what it is that makes up an adult
human personality?

What is it that makes you…You or me….Me?

Clearly we All have our different sides, elements of us that
we present to different people for different reasons but how
many different sides or faces of me, does it take to make the
whole person?

I like to think of these different ‘sides’ of ourselves in
terms of hats. We select to wear different hats for different
occasions, just as our personality pops on a different you
depending on the encounter.

I wear my Mum Hat when with my boys, My Nana Hat with my
grandsons, another for my husband or friends and yet an
entirely different one when working. In fact I could probably
fill a hat store, if I listed them all.

Each time we don a different hat, it is for a reason, a way
for us to cope in a particular situation. My Mum Hat, enables
me to nurture, love & fiercely protect my children; My Work Hat
displays more distance and objectivity; my Husband Hat...well
that one is pretty much the entire store, we’ve been together
so long. 🙂 but i am sure you get my drift.

We have emotional hats too:-

A Rain Hat for example is tough and impenetrable, it protects
us from the wet. So when we wear this we probably feel in need of protection from a situation, its our vulnerable & defensive side.

A Straw Hat we Hatstrawkidswear on sunny days, perhaps indicating we are in a happy more carefree mode.

 

These sides of ourselves, these metaphorical hats we wear,
form a coherent personality, swapping in and out as need
be, providing us with the skills we need in any given situation
enabling us to navigate our lives. They are generally not
fractured as they were with the young woman in the movie but
working together to make us a coherent whole.


But who has control?

Surely there has to be a manager of this store, some side of
our personality who decides which hat is being worn and when?
Who is the boss of you?

I suspect for most of us, it is the side we call experience!
The managerial hat of experience has learnt what hat needs to
be worn in each situation and sends you out correctly attired.

So why sometimes do things go wrong?

I feel personality disorders can stem from lack of management
or from mis management. With the young women in the movie, a
significant event in her life had sent her manager into hiding
and there was no longer a coherent whole. Once this happened,
different side / hats start to emerge as separate or distinct
personas, each vying for a spot in the hot seat.

To a lesser degree, I feel that this can happen to us all.


Have there not been times in your life when you don’t feel like
you (the manager) has control? Have we all not experienced
times when one or other of our emotions or hats takes over
management and screws us up?


Perhaps the Helmet of Fear keeps you from doing something or
encourages you to run? And because fear is a basic human
emotion, it is strong and suppresses all other sides in doing
so? But Fear is not a good manager and makes bad decisions.Hathard
It dominates and does not allow other hats to come forth so we are now trapped wearing a hat that is inappropriate for other situations. We end up becoming stuck inside the protection of our helmet. Once fear gains a foothold, its a tough hat to penetrate or remove. Its only interest is survival of self at a very basic level.

I feel that all hats have their place, we need the facade, the different faces to navigate our world. However when the wrong side of you shows up at the wrong occasion…….problems usually ensue. Keeping control of the many sides of our personality is not always an easy task and sometimes it can become just too difficult and problems begin.  Certainly a key event in our lives, or perhaps just a long drawn out stressful situation, something that stresses us beyond our ability to cope, can trigger a lost of control.

And Our manager goes on strike!

Coach Lin

 


NOTE: I am not a psychiatrist these are just my thoughts based on my study of physcology, observations and my experience as a coach. Many people come to me stuck inside the Helmet of Fear, if that is you, or if you feel you are losing control, please know there is help available. You do not have to manage the situation alone.

I now have my Writer Hat on Cowgirlhatand would very much like to know what you think………?  Please feel free to comment here or drop me an email at info@helpinghand-lifecoaching.com

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I Gave Myself Cancer!

I GAVE MYSELF CANCER

To live a fully functional, fun filled life of our dreams, we need to be healthy. Without our health there is no balance to life, the scales are tipped heavily towards struggle.

I know because my ‘scales plunged’ when at the age of 44, Cancer entered MY LIFE.

I survived YES but at a cost; my physical body can no longer do what I want of it and when I can, there is always pain and then more pain. I often am unable to travel; have to back out of plans and can loose whole days to the pain.

What I thought would be my future, no longer applies.

I am however adaptive and am thriving in a different and more sedate way. But this took much time and don’t let the courageous spirit fool you! NO one, wants to have to deal with or fight through, a serious health issue or learn to live with a chronic problem.
We DO, but not by choice and however brave and well balanced we may seem………it’s always a struggle…..and was not a part of our dreams or life goals.

SO when I say to you, that looking after your health is the first step towards the dreams and goals you wish to achieve, towards that life you have planned for yourself, believe me, i know!

Accidents happen over which we have no choice but diseases like Cancer are not accidents, they occur because our body was too weak to fight it off. Because we allowed the stress and pace of our lives to deplete us and Cancer got its chance. This can apply to most chronic illness. One may be genetically predisposed to get a certain disease but it will only manifest, if you allow your mind and body to become overrun by stress hormones and lack of good nutrition.

WE MUST TAKE RESPONSIBILITY no one gives you these health issues, except you! This is why I say “I gave myself Cancer!”

Granted, there are some things over which YOU have no control, environmental toxins or background radiation levels to name a couple but are you doing anything about those that are within your control? Have you removed all toxic chemicals from your home? Have you started cooking fresh unprocessed foods again? Do you take the stairs or walk to the store? Are you taking good quality Vitamins? The list goes on.

Now my intent with this blog was not to talk about myself and or lecture but to impart to you just how very important your health is. We tend not to think of it until we have a problem. I know I didn’t ……i ate a good diet and exercised alot and thought that was enough…..it wasn’t! To be the first person in my family to get Breast Cancer, is not an accolade I’m proud of, I assure you.

In the 13 years since that fateful day, I have read and leant much and now believe we absolutely NEED to ease the stress in our lives in any way we can. We cannot rely on our governments or doctors, their interests are faulty at best. This is something we each have to do for ourselves, to evaluate where we are and where we are heading. Correcting a course is not always easy but its a damn sight easier, when it’s not enforced as mine was, when options can very quickly, become limited!

We also need to eat organically AND supplement our food with good nutrients and vitamins* So as to give our body and mind what it requires to function with optimal health. And with good health, comes good sleep, good decisions and the chance of actually living that well balanced life of your dreams.

You owe it to yourself and your family to be Physically & Mentally healthy enough to reach for and make those dreams come true!!

I write this today from the Mexican Riviera Maya to where recent events in my life have led me and as I sit here typing, I am contemplating yet another change in my life. Partly out of necessity but also another step towards a life of more balance and more importantly of Health…..because with good health you have options. Please don’t waste yours.

*Even organic food can be lacking in nutrients, as the very soil is no longer as rich as it used to be.

A Post from my Cancer Blog worth Sharing.

IF I Could Turn Back Time?

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