You may be familiar with the Movie Shirley Valentine about a bored house wife in the UK who spends her days talking to her kitchen wall because …………..well…….because its there really. Fed up with her lot, Shirley decides one day to take off to Greece on her own, for a break. If you’ve seen the movie you will know that Shirley gets more than a break from her UK life and marriage…….she finds herself…..and this changes everything!
Run off and find a beach to sit on, while we contemplate our life and future. Maybe, for some it is exactly what is needed. Continue reading “Doing a Shirley Valentine!”
What motivates an F1 driver to risk their life to drive a car fast, or an athlete to push that bit harder in training? What gets a working mum/mom through her more than hectic day or gets a disabled person out of bed in the morning? We might say that they are all Motivated but is this the same thing for each of them?
Certainly we can group motivators into categories, for example the F1 driver and the Athlete may both be driven by their competitive need to be the best, but the athlete may also want to be the fittest and the driver the fastest. The mother may be motivated by income / career or the desire to be the best mother in the world & the disabled person by the need to prove everyone wrong.
Clearly, we all have intricate and different needs or desires we need to acknowledge, in order to be able to switch our motivation ON. Finding them, is not always easy because we also like to feel good about our motivators and the truth is, they are not always things we will admit to.
Simply saying you’re a positive person or even thinking positive thoughts, does NOT GET YOU WHAT YOU WANT! It’s NOT like magic, there is NO genie in a bottle, NO magic wand to wave…. The Law of Attraction is an applied process, that must be learnt and fully understood… Then and only then, will it open your world to a whole new realm of possibilities.
I have been using this Law of Attraction for many years, with some quite remarkable results…. In fact just this weekend, amazing things happened in my family, a couple of days after I asked for them. It truly is mind-blowing sometimes, just how quickly things come to be. From two very stressful and difficult situations Saturday night, to solutions by Monday evening & in BOTH cases………… exactly… as I had detailed the request Saturday night.
This is a question I hear often from callers to my App Help Line, it’s usually one of the first things people ask. Some have tried counselling or a therapist in the past and cannot see how coaching may differ or get them results.
“Dont we need to be face to face?” – Is the next question, usually followed by
“How do I know if you are any good?” – So here are a few answers :-
Coaching differs from other forms of therapy in several very important ways.
Coaching is not NOT about your past, it’s about moving forward, so coaches do not spend lots of time trying to identify psychological problems or to diagnose conditions. We may need a general idea of what has happened or of who you are, so we have a better idea of what has already been tried and what was successful or not. We also do NOT write prescriptions or diagnose any conditions, ever! We are not here to label or judge you but to assist you in your endeavour or aid you to solve your problem.
Coaches use carefully crafted questions and fine tuned listening skills to help you find your own answers. We do not tell you what to do or how to do it, we guide you to your own solutions. This way, as a plan of action unfolds, it is likely to succeed because YOU are the one mapping it out. A coach then helps you to keep on track or adjust your plan as necessary.
We do not need to be able to see you to help you. In fact I find it better to have voice only sessions with my clients as this enables me to HEAR the things that arent being said, better. Subtle tones in a voice or hesitation in answers, can mean a lot to a trained coach and this gives me an indication of what questions need to be asked next. Asking the right questions is a huge part of being a good coach.
Well you can goggle me or check out my website, where there is a lot of information about me and some client testimonials. If you need more go to my Cancer Blog, but ultimately it’s probably a trial and error situation. If you are not happy after the first session, then you do not need to do more. I do not require my clients to pay upfront for weeks or months in advance, and I also will refund you if you are truly unhappy (although I have never had to do this yet). I have also found that coaching can be successful in just a few sessions, with the average being around 6. Not the months on end that many seem to feel is needed. I will also allow pay as you go coaching sessions so you don’t have to pre book your time months in advance. As long as we can find a slot when you need it, you’re in.
So you found him, hooked him and now you just have to hang on to him. Isn’t that how girls are supposed to think?………...NO?
Then, how come in this supposedly enlightened age, I hear from so many young women who are thinking and acting this way?
Why is it young women feel its up to them to make the sacrifices in a relationship? Why do they feel its up to them to adjust, give up their friends and family, give up going out socially, wear what they are told and absolutely NEVER ever look in the direction of another man?
For many young women it seems anything goes when it comes to keeping their man. They will quite literally do all they can to hang on to him……what ever the situation.
Its seem to matter not how this man is actually treating them, as long as they can call him “my man” its okay. They will forgive him any and everything. Prostrate themselves and endure all manner of abuse in order to keep him……….why?
Of course some would say there is probably a psychological reason for this behaviour relating to their families or upbringing but I feel its deeper than that. This submissive behaviour cannot all be written off as an “abused past or childhood experience”, it seems more widespread than that.
There seems to be a deep-seated inadequacy. No matter how loud these women may talk, no matter how educated they may get or how high they climb the corporate ladder, many young women still expect to have to bend to the will of their man; AND, once they have him, they will do whatever it takes to keep him.
I reply “First you have to find him, and to do this, you have to find yourself”!
You need to have a strong sense of self. To know what you think and feel about major issues, from rearing children to taxes. Because to move forward with a man you need to either think alike or be able to discuss your differences and agree on an outcome, without anyone feeling trampled on.
Neither of you should ever feel afraid to express your opinion, because if you are, that is how YOU begin to lose the relationship and yourself.
If you are in a relationship that is slowly taking away all that is you, then it is not a healthy relationship and no matter how frightening, how terrified of being on your own you may be, you must leave it. There is simply no future in any relationship that requires one of the parties to change who they are or live in a fearful way!
Yes there are adjustments to make, things to get used to about each other but if you are being over ruled all the time or feel you no longer have an opinion or are being manipulated, then its time to get out!
“Both parties must have the freedom to regulate their own behaviour! “
Without this, you do not have a Relationship, you have a Dictatorship.
So instead of asking how you keep your man………….ask yourself….“Do I want to keep him and why?”
Note: I am a certified life coach who has been with her husband for 39 years. I have two children and five grandchildren, so have leant much about keeping relationships alive and well. If you are in need of help, please contact me. I can help:-