I am sitting here, a 59 year old #Life Coach, #Cancer #Survivor and wondering to myself, how the hell I get through to all the young women out there in their 30’s and 40’s who are trying to be Super-Woman? I personally know lots of them and in most cases they are all chasing the illusion that they can indeed be Super Woman and that they can indeed have it all…….which of course it total rubbish!
You may be familiar with the Movie Shirley Valentine about a bored house wife in the UK who spends her days talking to her kitchen wall because …………..well…….because its there really. Fed up with her lot, Shirley decides one day to take off to Greece on her own, for a break. If you’ve seen the movie you will know that Shirley gets more than a break from her UK life and marriage…….she finds herself…..and this changes everything!
Run off and find a beach to sit on, while we contemplate our life and future. Maybe, for some it is exactly what is needed. Continue reading “Doing a Shirley Valentine!”
Last night I watched a movie about a young women whose
personality had fractured into 3 distinct people and it
started me thinking about what it is that makes up an adult
human personality?
Clearly we All have our different sides, elements of us that
we present to different people for different reasons but how
many different sides or faces of me, does it take to make the
whole person?
I like to think of these different ‘sides’ of ourselves in
terms of hats. We select to wear different hats for different
occasions, just as our personality pops on a different you
depending on the encounter.
I wear my Mum Hat when with my boys, My Nana Hat with my
grandsons, another for my husband or friends and yet an
entirely different one when working. In fact I could probably
fill a hat store, if I listed them all.
Each time we don a different hat, it is for a reason, a way
for us to cope in a particular situation. My Mum Hat, enables
me to nurture, love & fiercely protect my children; My Work Hat
displays more distance and objectivity; my Husband Hat...well
that one is pretty much the entire store, we’ve been together
so long. 🙂 but i am sure you get my drift.
A Rain Hat for example is tough and impenetrable, it protects
us from the wet. So when we wear this we probably feel in need of protection from a situation, its our vulnerable & defensive side.
A Straw Hat we 
wear on sunny days, perhaps indicating we are in a happy more carefree mode.
These sides of ourselves, these metaphorical hats we wear,
form a coherent personality, swapping in and out as need
be, providing us with the skills we need in any given situation
enabling us to navigate our lives. They are generally not
fractured as they were with the young woman in the movie but
working together to make us a coherent whole.
Surely there has to be a manager of this store, some side of
our personality who decides which hat is being worn and when?
Who is the boss of you?
I suspect for most of us, it is the side we call experience!
The managerial hat of experience has learnt what hat needs to
be worn in each situation and sends you out correctly attired.
I feel personality disorders can stem from lack of management
or from mis management. With the young women in the movie, a
significant event in her life had sent her manager into hiding
and there was no longer a coherent whole. Once this happened,
different side / hats start to emerge as separate or distinct
personas, each vying for a spot in the hot seat.
To a lesser degree, I feel that this can happen to us all.
Perhaps the Helmet of Fear keeps you from doing something or
encourages you to run? And because fear is a basic human
emotion, it is strong and suppresses all other sides in doing
so? But Fear is not a good manager and makes bad decisions.
It dominates and does not allow other hats to come forth so we are now trapped wearing a hat that is inappropriate for other situations. We end up becoming stuck inside the protection of our helmet. Once fear gains a foothold, its a tough hat to penetrate or remove. Its only interest is survival of self at a very basic level.
I feel that all hats have their place, we need the facade, the different faces to navigate our world. However when the wrong side of you shows up at the wrong occasion…….problems usually ensue. Keeping control of the many sides of our personality is not always an easy task and sometimes it can become just too difficult and problems begin. Certainly a key event in our lives, or perhaps just a long drawn out stressful situation, something that stresses us beyond our ability to cope, can trigger a lost of control.
NOTE: I am not a psychiatrist these are just my thoughts based on my study of physcology, observations and my experience as a coach. Many people come to me stuck inside the Helmet of Fear, if that is you, or if you feel you are losing control, please know there is help available. You do not have to manage the situation alone.
I now have my Writer Hat on 
and would very much like to know what you think………? Please feel free to comment here or drop me an email at info@helpinghand-lifecoaching.com
When I first decided to try coaching via email or indeed Instant Messaging, I was not sure how it would work out. But I wanted to reach a global audience and this seemed like the best way to do so. To cut a long story short, it has been an amazing success! 
Not only has it allowed me to truly offer a Global Coaching Service but it has allowed people who would not normally have access to help and advice, to get it! Right from their smartphone.
For example a man wrote to me saying his family was on the verge of breaking up and he did not know what to do? He has tried everything he could think of, with no luck . He gave me details of his situation and I soon saw where the problem may lay. It took just one email from me, with a suggestion I thought he had overlooked, to get them back on track. He wrote saying “I know she is frustrated that I didn’t understand before but it’s already starting to go uphill again 🙂 thank you so much for all your help“.
Or a young mother who came to me at a time when she wanted to ‘start a business‘ and she was having issues with family over her plan and was very disillusioned. Again I was able to make a few suggestions that prompted her to write back saying “Well, I’m happy to say that you were right about my Mom and Dad, bang on! With this issue out of the way, she was able to make a plan and get on with what she really wanted to do. This took just 3 emails to achieve.
With today’s more Global world and the break-up of the extended family, we are all finding ourselves adrift somewhat. Where once we could run to grandmother for help and advice, we no longer can. So where do we find that person who will not only listen to us but also help us solve our problems.? Where can we find another being who wants to and can actually help, without breaking the bank?
Just fill out the form………..you’ll be surprised just how easy this will be.!
Bitcoin, Another First From Our Award Winning Help On The Go App
With HELP ON THE GO we brought you the 1ST truly mobile coaching App and now we are doing it again! That’s right, we are taking the next step in bringing you a truly versatile and easy to use service by now accepting Bitcoin for any of the three amazing coaching deals available in our APP HELP ON THE GO.
So from now, should you need to extend your coaching beyond the free service, not only do you get an incredible deal, which is a fraction of the normal co
st of working with Coach Lin but you get to pay using Bitcoin.
Bitcoin is a true digital currency of the people. Its a peer to peer system of exchange that is not controlled by governments or banks and we are very excited to be able to offer you this option. If you already use Bitcoin simply click on the Executive Deals Tab in the App, select your option and you will be directed to Our Store where you can choose the yellow Bitcoin button for payment… EASY! If you do not yet use Bitcoin then see the link below for further information.
We will be widening our acceptance of Bitcoin to all products and services soon but we wanted to give our App Users the option to be the first to make use of this exciting new currency.
If you are unfamiliar with Bitcoin click here for more information.
If you don’t yet have our APP HELP ON THE GO click here to download.
As I write this, I have just finished a conversation with a women who is currently involved in a long distance relationship. She was feeling hurt and let down because of a recent phone call she had with her partner. It seems she felt he had not been sympathetic enough towards her and in fact had been joking around, this made her feel unloved. She wanted to ask me if I thought his was ‘normal’ behaviour?
I asked her this one question.
And after a slight pause, she admitted (with some realisation) that in fact, she had not!
She had assumed he would notice…..
She was completely forgetting she was on the phone and unless she was actually sobbing, the only HINT he may have, is in what she actually says.
Unless its a long term relationship or he’s a trained listener or psychic, there is little chance he would pick up on her mood.
Suddenly, this one question had changed the entire outcome of her conversation with her partner as she realised, he did not know how she was feeling. Perhaps he did love her after all 🙂
This is not an isolated incident, we all do this, especially women. We assume Continue reading “The Power of Relationship Coaching – In One Simple Question.”
Helping Hand - Life Coaching 