Relationship or Dictatorship?

So you found him, hooked him and now you just have to hang on to him. Isn’t that how girls are supposed to think?………...NO?

Then, how come in this supposedly enlightened age, I hear from so many young women who are thinking and acting this way?

Why is it young women feel its up to them to make the sacrifices in a relationship?  Why do they feel its up to them to adjust, give up their friends and family, give up going out socially, wear what they are told and absolutely NEVER ever look in the direction of another man?

For many young women it seems anything goes when it comes to keeping their man.  They will quite literally do all they can to hang on to him……what ever the situation.

Its seem to matter not how this man is actually treating them, as long as they can call him “my man” its okay. They will forgive him any and everything. Prostrate themselves and endure all manner of abuse in order to keep him……….why?

Of course some would say there is probably a psychological reason for this behaviour relating to their families or upbringing but I feel its deeper than that. This submissive behaviour cannot all be written off as an “abused past or childhood experience”, it seems more widespread than that.

There seems to be a deep-seated inadequacy. No matter how loud these women may talk, no matter how educated they may get or how high they climb the corporate ladder, many young women still expect to have to bend to the will of their man; AND, once they have him, they will do whatever it takes to keep him.

So what do I say when asked “How do I keep my man from leaving?”

I reply “First you have to find him, and to do this, you have to find yourself”!

You need to have a strong sense of self. To know what you think and feel about major issues, from rearing children to taxes. Because to move forward with a man you need to either think alike or be able to discuss your differences and agree on an outcome, without anyone feeling trampled on.

Neither of you should ever feel afraid to express your opinion, because if you are, that is how YOU begin to lose the relationship and yourself.

If you are in a relationship that is slowly taking away all that is you, then it is not a healthy relationship and no matter how frightening, how terrified of being on your own you may be, you must leave it. There is simply no future in any relationship that requires one of the parties to change who they are or live in a fearful way!

Yes there are adjustments to make, things to get used to about each other but if you are being over ruled all the time or feel you no longer have an opinion or are being manipulated, then its time to get out!

The number 1 rule for any relationship is:-

Both parties must have the freedom to regulate their own behaviour!

Without this, you do not have a Relationship, you have a Dictatorship.

So instead of asking how you keep your man………….ask yourself….“Do I want to keep him and why?”

Coach Lin

Note: I am a certified life coach who has been with her husband for 39 years. I have two children and five grandchildren, so have leant much about keeping relationships alive and well. If you are in need of help, please contact me. I can help:-


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