How to figure out what you want: 8 steps

Part of finding your purpose entails learning how to figure out what you want in life. This can be related to your job or dream career path, ideal relationship, or other big decisions like choosing where you want to live or what job you actually want. 

Questions like “What do I want to do with my life?” and “Who do I want to be?” demand a significant amount of mental energy, and trying to sort through the plethora of choices can be overwhelming.

However, if you’re not intentional about figuring out what you want in life, it’s easy to fall into survival mode. You might become lost, focusing only on what’s in front of you. You may become bored and restless with what you’re doing, even if you once loved it. Over time, this can increase stress, depression, and anxiety. It can also make you feel like you don’t have control over your life.

Figuring out what you want is important because it can influence your career path and help you get your life together. The first step is to reduce uncertainty about your future by answering critical questions about your life to help you uncover your desired trajectory and what makes you happy.

11 questions to figure out what you want in life

There are so many paths available to you that you might feel indecisive or experience analysis paralysis. This is normal. But you have to overcome your fears and try new things to open the door to new opportunities. In the end, chasing after what you want has the potential to transform you into the best version of yourself. 

Below are some important questions to help determine how to figure out what you want and where you want to go in life.

1. What makes you happy?

Consider what truly makes you happy. Everyone wants to be happy, but happiness isn’t just feeling joyful or content with life. It also encompasses feeling needed, having a sense of purpose, and maintaining that happiness amid uncertainty. 

Both external and internal factors impact your happiness. The former can include where you live or the time of year, while the latter can include your skill sets and self-esteem. 

Try making a list of everything that makes you happy, both internal and external, and how these things might play a role in what you want your life to look like.

2. What are your intrinsic and extrinsic needs? 

Sometimes, your wants and needs go hand in hand. Other times, what you need isn’t what you want, and vice versa.

Extrinsic needs are those driven by external factors. This could include things like money, benefits, recognition, and status.

Intrinsic needs are internal motivators that drive your mental well-being and personal growth. These needs include things like autonomy, creativity, and learning new things.

Ask yourself which of your needs are fulfilled and which aren’t. This could refer to your emotional, financial, physical, or spiritual needs. Doing this can help inform your vision of what your ideal future looks like. 

3. What are your personal values? 

Your personal values act as your internal compass. They help you make decisions that align with who you are and who you want to be. 

Values drive how you “show up” to relationships, work, and life. Knowing your values helps you set meaningful goals, build stronger relationships, and navigate difficult situations and challenges.

Examples of personal values include the following:

• Patience
• Honesty
• Integrity
• Loyalty
• Freedom

You can discover your personal values by reflecting on your life experiences, considering the qualities of your role models, or by using an assessment tool to rank certain values in order of importance.

4. What gives you purpose? 

When you do what fulfills you, that infectious energy positively impacts others, too. Purpose-driven actions contribute to something larger than yourself. They give life a sense of legacy and lead to a more satisfying life path.

To help you answer this question, consider the following:

• What makes you excited to get out of bed in the morning? 
• What impact do you want to have on others or the world? 
• What were you doing when you felt like you made a real difference? 
• How do you want to be remembered?

5. What activities put you in a flow state?

If you’ve ever been so immersed in an activity that you lost track of time, you’ve experienced what’s called a flow state. What felt like 15 minutes may have really been an hour. 

The idea behind being “in flow” is that you’re so focused on something that nothing else seems to matter at the time. You’ve tuned out external distractions and your internal monologue to concentrate only on the task at hand.

Many people find flow in activities that align with their personal goals or passions. Think about a time when you recognized you had lost track of time and consider what you were doing. Prioritize activities like this every day to calm your mind and improve your focus. 

6. What would you do if there were no limits?

When times are tough, you may stop yourself from following dreams because you feel limited by external factors like money or available vacation days. But don’t be afraid to think big. Imagine there were no limits, and consider what you might do then.

Here are some other questions to ask yourself to learn how to figure out what you want:

• What would I rather be doing?
• Who do I want to spend my time with?
• Who do I want to help?
• Am I in the right location or on the right path to do what I want?
• What am I willing to sacrifice to achieve my goal?
• How do I define a “good life”?
• What would I do if I realized I couldn’t fail?
• What’s on my bucket list?

7. Who do you admire and why?

If you look up to someone, take time to reflect on why you think highly of them. This person could be an activist, artist, teacher, doctor, parent, or anyone who leads by example. 

People you admire often embody core values you regard highly, such as resilience, kindness, and creative thinking. When you reflect on why you respect these individuals, you’ll gain insight into the values that may be central to your own happiness.

8. How are different parts of your life interconnected?

Life isn’t divided into compartments where work, family, social life, and personal well-being remain neatly siloed. You are one cohesive being, and every aspect of who you are and what you do is deeply intertwined. Any change in one area will most likely affect the others.  

Understanding that balancing life isn’t about choosing one area over another but rather about aligning all aspects can help guide your decisions.

Some questions to consider include the following:

• What roles do I play in life, and how do these roles affect each other? (e.g., friend, partner, colleague, family member)
• If I decide something, how will it affect my personal life, my work, my family, and my friendships?
• What aspects of my life am I neglecting, and how can I bring them into balance?

9. What don’t you want?

Understanding what you don’t want is just as essential as knowing what you do want. Clarity about what doesn’t work for you helps you make better life choices, avoid unnecessary stress, and stay in sync with what truly matters.

Every day, you can become smarter than the day before. According to the Cleveland Clinic, your brain processes approximately 70,000 thoughts each day using 100 billion neurons. That’s a lot of information you can learn from.  

Ask yourself questions like the following:

• What situations or experiences drain my energy?
• What do I hate doing?
• What have I done in the past that I would not want to repeat?
• In what environments do I feel stressed, constrained, or uninspired?
• What activities or goals feel misaligned with who I am?

Knowing what you hate and what to avoid can empower you to steer clear of these pitfalls.

10. What are your greatest accomplishments in life?

Chances are there’s something you’ve done in your life that you take pride in. Maybe you won a soccer championship or received a large promotion at work. Whatever the situation, engage in self-reflection and consider questions like the following:

• What are you most proud of about your accomplishment?
• What strengths did you use to achieve it?
• What values did you display?
• How can you live a life that allows you to experience more of those same feelings?

Knowing what makes you feel good can help guide you in the right direction to figure out what you want to do in life. It can also increase your self-awareness, which is an important skill for getting to know yourself.

11. Are you willing to work hard?

Often, the most rewarding victories come from facing challenges that demand resilience and a willingness to step outside your comfort zone. Embracing the hard work, discomfort, and adaptability required to pursue your passions will help you move closer to your goals.

It won’t be easy, but if you let a few early challenges impede your progress, you’ll find yourself right back in the skewed work-life balance you’re trying to escape. 

Figuring out what you want: a step-by-step guide

Once you’ve taken time to reflect on your values, needs, and what makes you happy, you can begin to form an action plan. The steps listed below may help you figure out what you want in life. However, it’s important to remember that finding your purpose is a constant process. It’s something you have to pursue every day and be willing to adjust as things change.

To help develop the right framework, use these eight steps to begin the process.

Identify your life goals

Consider every aspect of your ideal future and which new career paths and lifestyles would best allow you to build that future.

For example, if you’re looking for a new job, you might consider the following:

• Where you’d like to live
• What time you’d like to wake up every morning
• The hours you’d prefer to work
• The workplace environment that would best suit your needs
• How much money you’d like to make
• Whether the job would advance you toward your professional dreams

These questions are just some examples that can help structure your life goals and rule out certain paths that don’t align with your values and what you desire. One helpful way to do this is to create a vision board to help visually represent your goals and ambitions. You can also use a personal SWOT analysis, which is a self-assessment tool, to help you pin down your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities for growth, and threats to your success.

Once you have a broad vision, work on making your goals more specific by fine-tuning the details. For example, if you’ve realized that you want to work a job with a flexible schedule, you might consider whether this means working from home or coming into an office at flexible times. 

Ultimately, the more you can describe your life goals, the better you’ll be at turning them into reality.

Pursue your passions

While there are many differences between your purpose and passion, you need to bring these two concepts together to build a fulfilling life. 

Purpose is based on conviction, while passion is driven by energy, emotions, and interest. Passion can fade, but purpose lasts a lifetime.

Passions can define you as an individual. They help make your life satisfying and meaningful, but passion doesn’t always define your work.

According to a report from Deloitte, up to 87.7% of America’s workforce is not able to contribute to their full potential because they lack passion for their work. Unfortunately, few people are lucky enough to be in a profession that aligns with their passions.

That being said, passion for your work can be important because it serves as motivation. This motivation can carry you through the inevitable rough patches and setbacks in your professional life.

You can work toward discovering your passions by asking yourself questions like:

• What do I do that brings me joy?
• Which subjects interest me and motivate me to learn more?
• What jobs/work would I volunteer to do for a long time without financial compensation?
• What would I use my time for if I could do what I love and still get paid?
• What makes me feel like I’m in a flow state? 
• What do I do very skillfully and eagerly?

Most people discover what they are passionate about through experiences. Your passions in life will stem from your personality, morals, values, and views.

Understand your core values

The starting point for changing your entire life for the better is knowing what you truly value. Your values represent what you desire and how you want to live your life. Values show you who you are or want to be and provide a framework for how you behave.

To identify your values, consider what you truly want from life. It’s OK to be general, but it’s important to provide context.

For instance, if you value security, specify whether you’re thinking about financial security, social security, or job security. Then detail what that type of security means to you. 

Your values can dictate everything you do, from who you befriend to how you make a living. 

Evaluate where you are in life

Oprah Winfrey once said that if you ask the right questions, the answers will reveal themselves to you.

However, not knowing which questions to ask can be what’s holding you back. Just the process of finding the right questions can feel overwhelming. 

Here are some thought-provoking questions you can ask yourself to kick-start the process of how to figure out what you want and find your true north.

1. What led me to where I am today? When you answer this self-reflection question, include the people, career choices, and achievements that got you to where you are. Consider what you excelled at, struggled with, and enjoyed to provide clues into how you should progress in your next phase of life.
2. When was I able to use my talents, skills, and gifts? Your skills, talents, and natural abilities will usually point out the nature of your life purpose. Consider how you can combine your talents and knowledge to your advantage in the future.
3. How have I grown? Growth is generally prompted by obstacles and a willingness to learn from these challenges. Consider times when you’ve positively grown without excessive levels of stress.
4. What impact am I making? Not everyone has a desire to make a life-changing impact with their work. However, if you want to make a difference, it’s crucial to ask yourself what positive impact your current actions have and how you can amplify those positive effects. Look at the areas of need you resonate with and start getting involved.
5. What do I feel I should have done by this time in my life? In many ways, your short- and long-term goals relate to what you expect to achieve at key points in your life. When the thought of “I don’t know what I want to do with my life” arises, consider the milestones you feel you should’ve reached by this point and the ones you aim to reach in the near future. It’s important to have a personal vision statement to aim toward, but don’t be afraid to adjust it if needed.

Create a plan

Creating a life plan helps ensure you are managing your energy and resources wisely by building around what you value most. Develop a plan that structures how you will progress to achieve your goals and live in line with your priorities.

Working with a coach is a fantastic way to develop an actionable and achievable long-term plan for your life and career. The right coach will know about both SMART goals and HARD goal-setting formats and will provide guidance on how to set goals that are challenging, authentic, and realistic.

Consider developing a five-year plan for your personal and professional goals. While that may sound daunting at first, these plans include small, concrete goals to help you achieve your larger, long-term objectives. 

Five-year plans can be used to structure any goals you have, whether they’re related to your health, relationships, or career growth. These plans help you stay focused and align your actions with your ambitions, reminding you of what you are working toward.

Ask others for guidance

There are plenty of people who have found themselves wondering, “What should I do with my life?” just as you are now. Reaching out to other people who have already identified their passions and purposes can provide you with valuable insight. These could be people you’re close with or people you admire.

One of the best ways to get this kind of insider information is through an informational interview. During this interview, ask someone with your dream job about the type of work they do and the responsibilities that come with their roles.

Consider joining a mentorship program for guidance and advice. Building a mentor-mentee relationship gives you the space to talk to someone with experience and knowledge. They can help you realize your potential by providing career development guidance and constructive feedback on something you’ve done.

Ask your mentor to answer the question “How did you achieve your success?” and ask how they overcame their greatest challenges. They may provide you with actionable advice that you can use on your own journey, especially if you intend to pursue a similar career path.

Be ready to make sacrifices

No matter how much control you try to take over your life, something will always come up that might require a change in plans. You may need to make some sacrifices or compromises along the way, and that’s OK. 

Regardless of what happens in life, you’re still in charge of how you move forward. Embracing sacrifice can lead to personal growth and a deeper understanding of what truly matters to you.

Cultivate courage

Following your dreams may feel intimidating, but stepping outside your comfort zone is something that can significantly enhance your well-being. Have the courage to explore new opportunities, and don’t be afraid to fall. You are capable of more than you realize.

Learn how to figure out what you want through coaching

Learning how to figure out what you want isn’t a quick and easy process. It takes time, energy, and a commitment to self-improvement. However, taking time to answer questions like these is a giant step toward living life with more intention, which can lead to feelings of greater joy and fulfillment.

It can be hard to identify your purpose and passions on your own. To dive deeper into your self-discovery, consider working with a personal or professional coach. 

BetterUp’s Coaches specialize in making life planning manageable by breaking large goals into smaller tasks that can be completed frequently to keep you motivated. They can also help hold you accountable.

Nail down your biggest aspirations by working with a BetterUp Coach to figure out your destiny.