How to know if you’re oversharing: 5 signs and how to stop

Many of us have felt a pang of regret over an embarrassing story we told at work or an awkward detail we shared with a stranger, especially when the response wasn’t what we hoped for. Not every thought needs to be shared, and finding the balance in what you share starts with learning how to know if you’re oversharing.

Oversharing often stems from a lack of awareness about what’s appropriate in different settings. It can happen to anyone, and navigating relationships in a world where boundaries can be blurry isn’t easy. The good news is that learning to recognize your triggers, adjusting your approach, and building healthier boundaries can help you create stronger, more balanced connections.

It’s important to feel confident expressing who you are and what matters to you. Being honest and showing vulnerability is part of living authentically. But there’s a fine line between being your authentic self and oversharing. Sharing for the wrong reasons, in the wrong setting, or with the wrong people crosses into oversharing. 

For example, disclosure of an internal conflict with a close friend can be healing, but sharing that same story with an acquaintance may make them uncomfortable if they don’t feel intimately connected enough to you.

Oversharing isn’t limited to face-to-face conversations. It also extends to social media, where private moments can become public. A study from Secure Data Recovery shows that 73% of people don’t personally know everyone who views their posts on social media. By inviting comments and judgments from anonymous individuals, you may expose yourself to risks you aren’t aware of. This increases the potential for social media to negatively impact mental health.

3 examples of oversharing

Oversharing isn’t a black-and-white concept. It’s shaped by context, relationship types, and individual boundaries, which vary widely. What feels open and vulnerable to one person might feel overwhelming or inappropriate to another. Here are a few examples of oversharing:

1. Conversation stopper: A friend invites you to a fancy cocktail party with strangers. You end up sharing details about a recent family conflict, which causes the conversation to fizzle and become awkward.
2. Too much information at work: During a casual chat with a coworker, you start discussing your recent health scare in detail. While you’re seeking reassurance, the conversation takes a heavy turn. This degree of self-disclosure at work makes your coworker uneasy and unsure of how to respond appropriately in the professional setting.
3. Venting to a stranger: You share details with your manicurist about your messy breakup. While you’re looking for sympathy, you’re missing social cues that the topic is causing them to feel uncomfortable.

When you need support, it’s natural to want to reach out to others. However, if you don’t consider the timing, place, or person you’re confiding in, you might unintentionally invite discomfort or even unkindness. Learning to identify boundaries and understand what feels appropriate in each setting can help you connect with people in healthier ways. 

5 signs you’re oversharing

Occasionally, we all share more than we mean to. If you often notice body language like people squirming or pulling away mid-conversation, it might be time to assess how much you’re sharing. Here are five common signs showing how to know if you’re oversharing:

• You feel the need to fill every silence: If awkward pauses make you feel anxious, you might overshare to avoid them. You could overcompensate by revealing personal details that don’t quite fit the moment or situation.
• Friends and family play the role of therapist: When conversations turn into venting sessions where your loved ones struggle to get a word in, you’ve likely overshared. Leaning on others is natural, but one-sided talks can be draining and strain relationships as your loved ones may start to feel in charge of your mental health journey, which isn’t a good thing.
• You seek input for every decision: Asking for feedback when the goal is to make a simple decision can lead to oversharing. A tendency to rely on others for constant guidance forces them to weigh in on personal matters that you can likely handle yourself. 
• Social media knows too much about you: Pay attention to if and how often you post intimate details online, especially when not everyone who follows you is a close friend. A study by ScienceDirect found that posting more than five times in one day is commonly considered oversharing. Too much self-disclosure on social media can cause acquaintances and colleagues to act avoidant and lead to feelings of shame.
• You struggle to respect others’ privacy: If you’re an oversharer, you may have revealed others’ secrets in the name of making a connection. Betraying others in this way can lead them to hold back from confiding in you.

If any of these feel familiar, don’t worry. With practice, you can improve your communication skills in ways that help you respect both your boundaries and others’.

Why do people overshare?

The habit of oversharing can develop for many underlying reasons. Understanding what prompts you to reveal personal details can help you learn how to know if you’re oversharing and avoid sharing too much in the future. Here are some common reasons you might have a tendency to overshare:

• False intimacy: Situations requiring trust, like a project or haircut, can create a sense of closeness. Spending time talking with someone, like a coworker or stylist, can make you feel closer than you actually are, leading to oversharing.
• Comfort with strangers: Talking to a stranger in a waiting room or on a plane can feel freeing because you’re unlikely to see them again. This lack of lasting social consequences can prompt you to share more than you would with a friend.
• Fast-tracking relationships: If you’re trying to deepen a relationship, attempting to relate and connect quickly can lead to oversharing. Missing social cues and diving into personal topics too soon can make others uncomfortable, creating a barrier to intimacy rather than increasing it. 
• Difficulty setting boundaries: If you struggle to recognize social boundaries, you may overshare without meaning to. Often, this comes from family dynamics or past modeling of oversharing as normal behavior.
• Trying to put others at ease: When someone overshares something with you, you may respond with your own personal details to make them feel safe and comfortable. Your attempt to be mindful of their vulnerability can lead to unintentional oversharing.
• Certain personality traits or mental health conditions: People with high neuroticism, high extraversion, low emotional intelligence, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), or autism may be more prone to oversharing. These traits and conditions can make it challenging to gauge social cues, recognize boundaries, or manage impulses, leading to unintended disclosures in conversation.
• Seeking attention or social validation: For some, oversharing stems from a desire for validation, attention, or even the potential for growing a social media following. This can be especially common for those looking to make a name for themselves, build influence, or grow a business online, where vulnerability is sometimes seen as a currency for engagement.
• Trauma response: Past trauma can influence oversharing as a coping mechanism. You might reveal personal stories or experiences because sharing can feel therapeutic or validating, even though this form of disclosure isn’t always constructive or appropriate in certain social contexts. Oversharing can also contribute to trauma bonding, where individuals form intense connections with others over shared difficult experiences, sometimes at the expense of healthier relationship boundaries.

Noticing these patterns doesn’t mean you’re a chronic oversharer. It’s simply a reminder to be mindful of what you share, especially with people you don’t know well.

How to stop oversharing

Realizing that you overshare is the first step in deciding to change. Be patient with yourself as you learn to shift to more balanced conversations. Here are some key strategies for how to not overshare:

• Listen more than you talk: Make an effort to ask questions and use active listening. Focus on understanding others while they’re talking to balance the conversation and overcome the urge to share too much.
• Pause before responding: Before jumping in with a personal response, take a moment to think about what you’re going to say. A pause gives you time to choose what’s appropriate and can prevent impulsive oversharing.
• Practice journaling: Writing in a journal is a healthy way to process emotions privately. Instead of using conversations to unload, journaling lets you express your feelings without making others uncomfortable.
• Identify your triggers: Notice situations that prompt you to overshare or trauma dump, like nervousness, silence, or a desire to belong. Being aware of these triggers can help you find other ways to respond, like asking follow-up questions or shifting to lighter topics.
• Balance written communication: Pay attention to whether you share unnecessary details in emails or texts. After writing out your message, reread it to see if it’s concise and to the point. This is especially important when discussing sensitive or personal matters.
• Refocus the conversation: If a discussion veers into uncomfortable territory, use light humor or ask an open-ended question about the other person to help you prevent oversharing. This keeps conversations comfortable and lets you maintain personal boundaries.
• Set boundaries and be mindful: Before sharing, consider whether the other person needs to know the information. If not, phrases like “It’s a long story that I don’t feel like getting into” can help you politely keep details to yourself.

Developing these habits can help you become more intentional about what you share, leading to richer, more balanced connections.

Is it bad to overshare? 

Oversharing often happens unintentionally, driven by a natural need to overcome insecurities and create a sense of belonging. Sometimes, however, oversharing can foster connections or help someone in a similar situation feel less alone. But that’s rare.

Relying on others for constant validation, especially by sharing personal challenges, can harm your mental health and lead to emotional lability. If you don’t receive the reaction you’re hoping for, it can create anxiety and lower self-esteem, potentially sparking a cycle of even more oversharing to seek a response.

Chronic oversharing, especially in professional settings, can cause embarrassment and lead to what some call a “vulnerability hangover,” which is the discomfort and regret you feel after revealing too much. Cigna reports that 84% of employees report feeling stressed, and if you’re stressed, your guard may slip, leading you to disclose more than you intended. 

This can strain relationships, as colleagues or friends may feel awkward or uncomfortable with the level of personal information shared. In the workplace, oversharing might cause coworkers to keep their distance or avoid including you in projects, fearing that you might cross professional boundaries.

Whether personal or professional, oversharing can backfire. Developing social skills that encourage balanced conversations allows you to build meaningful connections without putting undue pressure on yourself or others.

Own your truth, don’t give it away

Learning how to know if you’re oversharing and developing techniques to stop it doesn’t mean hiding parts of yourself. Instead, it’s about honoring your experiences by sharing them intentionally, not as consumable goods. 

With the help of a coach, you can build skills to communicate confidently, develop healthy boundaries, and foster deeper connections without oversharing. 

Invest in yourself with a BetterUp Coach and learn how to own your truth and build healthier relationships.