How to build rapport with someone and find common ground

Learning how to build rapport with someone is essential for establishing trust, effective collaboration, and healthy relationships in both personal and professional settings. It fosters meaningful connections, improves team dynamics, and enhances leadership potential by nurturing empathy and mutual understanding.

But building rapport isn’t always instantaneous. As with any other relationship, building rapport in a professional and personal setting takes work and intention. 

To start building rapport effectively, you need to understand what it means to develop rapport, explore rapport-building skills and techniques, and find out why it matters in the first place.

What does building rapport mean?

Building rapport is the process of establishing a meaningful connection with someone based on respect, understanding, and mutual trust. Creating rapport requires relationship-building skills such as effective communication, empathy, and a genuine interest in the other person. The result is a friendly, harmonious relationship that lasts over time.

Once you have built good rapport with someone, there’s an implicit assumption of positive intent between both people that makes your interactions easier.

According to an article published in Psychological Inquiry, rapport requires three necessary components to be present in a relationship:

• Mutual attentiveness, or a direct focus on what the other person is saying or doing
• Positivity, or a shared feeling of friendliness and care
• Coordination, or responding in a manner that’s in sync and sympathetic to the attitudes of the other person

These three elements are what make up the dynamic structure of rapport, demonstrating that building rapport requires both verbal and nonverbal skills.

7 steps to building rapport 

Building genuine rapport with someone takes time and effort. It can’t be accomplished in a single interaction. If you’re looking to build better work relationships or personal ones, begin with these seven steps:

1. Start with small talk: Ask small talk questions to break the ice and start a conversation. 
2. Remember their name and details: Not remembering someone’s name or important details like their role within your company can negatively impact working relationships by signaling a lack of attention.
3. Build trust: As with all interpersonal relationships, building trust is crucial to establishing a foundation that enables openness and vulnerability.
4. Be authentic: Authenticity fosters credibility and connection, leading to positive, genuine relationships.
5. Communicate clearly: Good communication skills help you create a comfortable environment that’s primed for idea-sharing and mutual understanding.
6. Show emotion: Smile when you’re having a friendly conversation, and show concern when discussing deeper topics. This shows the other person you’re actively listening.
7. Be consistent: All relationships require consistency to establish loyalty and show respect.

Techniques for how to build rapport with someone

Anyone can start a conversation with someone, but building rapport goes far beyond talking about work and the weather. It involves nonverbal communication, listening to understand, and showing genuine interest in the other person. 

As you practice your rapport-building skills, keep these techniques in mind to make the most of your interactions.

Make a good introduction 

According to research published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, people can make an accurate first impression of your trustworthiness and status in as little as 33 milliseconds (0.033 seconds). An article from the Association for Psychological Science shows this impression can last for months, even if the person finds evidence contradictory to their original judgments.

Making a good first impression starts with the small things. This could mean giving a firm handshake and a smile. It could be maintaining solid eye contact and remembering the person’s name. 

Your first impression will set the tone for the rest of the conversation and, eventually, the respect and communication you build with the other person. Be mindful of how your words and actions may appear to those who don’t know anything about you.

Practice active listening

Have you ever been in a conversation where you were constantly interrupted? Or, perhaps, one where a colleague or friend continued to talk over another person? It’s not a pleasant experience, and it can leave a bad taste in your mouth. 

The goal of active listening is simply to understand the other person. When you’re nervous, you may start planning what you’re going to say next while the other person is still talking, which can cause you to miss important details. Remember to pay close attention so you can engage in the conversation in a meaningful way.

Ask engaging questions 

Many people are familiar with what it feels like to engage in one-sided conversations. When conversations are lopsided, it makes for bad connections. That’s why asking engaging, open-ended questions is so important. 

To do this, think about the core of what you’d like to know about this person. Consider asking yourself the following:

• What am I hoping to learn? 
• What sort of questions will allow me to set a strong foundation for our relationship? 
• What are my goals? 
• Am I showing my interest in the other person as a whole? 

Once you’ve identified what you’d like to get out of the conversation, you can form the appropriate questions to match your intention. 

Be aware of your body language 

Nonverbal communication is just as important as verbal communication when learning how to build rapport with someone. Nonverbal cues such as posture, eye contact, and facial expressions are central to building rapport. Your tone of voice can also make a big difference.

If someone constantly checks their phone or looks away during a conversation, they can come across as disinterested. Or, if someone isn’t making consistent eye contact, it can feel like they aren’t being genuine or attentively listening. 

Be sure to also avoid body language that could make you seem closed off, such as crossing your arms or fidgeting.

Find common ground

It can be easy to assume you don’t have anything in common with someone based on a quick first impression. However, it’s important not to judge a book by its cover. Differences are often easier to spot than commonalities, but that doesn’t mean none exist.

You can find common ground with anyone by looking at similarities when exchanging stories or discussing interests. As you get to know the person better, you’ll find some sort of shared experience, characteristic, or perspective. 

Small talk is a great way to find things you have in common. Doing this can make it easier to make friends and get along better with others.

Lead with empathy and respect 

A strong, healthy relationship is built on empathy and respect. These are key components to building trust. 

You can lead with empathy by having a sincere desire to understand and get to know the other person. You can show them respect by treating them how you’d like to be treated. These things may seem simple, but they can make a world of difference when it comes to building rapport.

Examples of building rapport in the workplace

Building rapport in the workplace can lead to better work relationships and greater team bonding. Here are a few examples of ways you can establish rapport with your peers and colleagues:

• Enthusiastically ask about someone’s hobbies and interests: When you both have downtime before or after a meeting, try going beyond work-related discussions by asking your coworker about their passions outside of the office. 

• Volunteer to help a colleague: If you notice a colleague is easily overwhelmed when they have too much on their plate, consider offering to take over one of their tasks to give them a break. Just be sure to do this only if you have the extra time and capacity so you don’t burn out in the process.

• Regularly share positive feedback: A few words of encouragement can go a long way. You can build good rapport simply by giving praise where praise is due. Congratulate a team member for meeting an important project milestone or receiving a good review from a customer or client. 
• Offer weekly check-ins: If you’re a manager, spending time with your team members can make a huge difference in your level of rapport. Consider offering weekly check-ins where team members can ask questions, discuss their career goals, and enjoy some quality, no-pressure conversation time.

Who should prioritize rapport-building skills?

Learning how to build rapport with someone is an important skill for everyone to have, regardless of your organizational rank or social status. In your professional life, it’s an essential piece of networking and effective collaboration. It can also be crucial for customer-facing job functions, like sales and customer service, since it aids in understanding and empathizing with customers in an authentic way.

In your personal life, building rapport can lead to long-lasting friendships and mentorships. It can also enrich your life by giving you the confidence to open up and build meaningful, harmonious connections that bring you joy.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), staying connected to others can lead to the following physical and mental health benefits:

• Reduced stress, anxiety, and depression
• Decreased risk of chronic health conditions and serious illness
• Better sleep
• Longer life
• Better overall health and well-being

Social interactions are a critical part of your health, happiness, and longevity, and strong social connections aren’t possible without some element of rapport.

Learn how to build rapport with someone through coaching

Learning how to build rapport with someone is a skill that will lead to better and more meaningful relationships. It can help you advance your career and develop friendships that last a lifetime.

Great interpersonal skills are at the heart of building rapport. Asking good follow-up questions, listening attentively, and being intentional help build mutual trust. 

Whether you’re looking to influence people or invest in your working relationships, a coach can help you establish the skills you need. 

Develop the confidence to build rapport with a BetterUp Coach and create lasting, fulfilling connections.