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From the moment you start your day, you’re in a continuous communication flow of your needs, ideas, and frustrations.
You complain to your partner about your poor sleep, reach out to check in about plans with a friend, and talk to your boss about upcoming tasks. Amid this constant dialogue, some habits become second nature — so much so that you may not notice how your communication style impacts your professional and personal relationships.
Great communication isn’t always easy. It requires self-reflection, empathy, and regular practice. Recognizing and refining your communication patterns is the first step to transforming simple exchanges into meaningful conversations.
Whether it’s a brief chat with a colleague or a deep discussion with a loved one, prioritizing effective communication in relationships will help you connect with the people around you and create impactful exchanges that grow your community.
What’s effective communication?
Effective communication is a critical life skill that reflects your ability to articulate your thoughts clearly. Whether you’re discussing the future with your life partner or delivering a presentation to clients, effective communication ensures your audience receives and understands your message.
Communication is a dynamic skill set that goes far beyond choosing the right words. It encompasses verbal and nonverbal cues, written words, and listening. Learning how to communicate better also requires you to adapt your message to the medium — like face-to-face or email — to help the recipient understand your tone.
Ineffective communication can cause misunderstandings and even rifts in your relationships, so it’s important to recognize and avoid it. It could look like passive aggression (giving the silent treatment) or dishonesty (telling a white lie to avoid conflict). These bad habits can lead to unproductive conversations that lack trust and empathy.
The importance of communication skills in relationships
Effective communication skills are the glue that holds relationships together, creating an environment where openness flourishes, problems resolve efficiently, and collaboration deepens.
Here are just a few ways learning how to communicate effectively will benefit your relationships:
- Equips you with tools to handle conflicts respectfully, aiming to resolve them by considering everyone’s interests
- Gives you the confidence to advocate your needs
- Allows you to communicate expectations clearly, ensuring everyone is on the same page
- Creates a safe space for feedback where constructive criticism paves the way for growth and learning
- Strengthens team dynamics through transparency, preventing the buildup of unspoken problems or frustrations
- Encourages active listening and mutual respect
- Fortifies awareness of nonverbal cues like eye contact, body gestures, and facial expressions
- Increases sensitivity to cultural differences or others’ feelings, letting you step back, practice empathy, and consider the intentions behind a communication approach that’s different from yours
On the other hand, communication breakdowns can have stark consequences in all kinds of relationships. A 2022 study by Grammarly and the Harris Poll found that miscommunication costs American businesses an average of $12,506 per employee annually. And a 2020 study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that ineffective communication skills correlated with poor relationship satisfaction, particularly in high-stress moments like financial difficulties, discrimination, or professional challenges.
Investing time and effort into learning how to improve communication skills does more than alleviate misunderstandings. It unlocks the potential for deeper relationship success and satisfaction. The next step is practicing strategies that elevate your interactions, promote emotional awareness, and give you the tools you need to connect effectively.
How to improve communication in your relationships
Enhancing your communication skills is a lifelong learning experience because your relationships, sense of self, and emotional intelligence are always changing. A strategy that worked in your first job might not work now that you’ve become an executive, and a conversation you had with your partner might not look the same 10 years down the road.
Whether you need to address a problem with your family dynamic or connect with a colleague, the key lies in adapting your communication style to each unique scenario. Here are some effective strategies to improve your communication in ways that are as varied and dynamic as your relationships:
1. Practice your listening skills
You’ve likely been in a situation where a coworker or family member glances around the room or checks their cell phone while they’re supposed to be listening to you. You can see they aren’t engaged or paying active attention, which can discourage you from continuing the conversation.
Listening goes both ways, so make sure you’re giving full attention to the speaker and showing genuine interest in what they have to say. Nodding in agreement, directing your body language toward them, and paraphrasing key points are just a few ways to listen actively. These small gestures signal that you’re invested in the conversation and value their ideas.
2. Foster deeper clarity
Clarity in communication is like turning on a light in a dim room. It illuminates thoughts, intentions, and emotions and helps all participants feel like they’re getting the full picture.
To ensure your message is crystal clear, try to get to the point. In the office, this might mean getting rid of unnecessary jargon, while in intimate relationships, this might mean expressing feelings and needs as directly as possible.
For example, a partner might interpret, “I need some space,” as a sign that something’s wrong. To be more clear about what you mean, you could instead say, “I need time to myself to recharge. This is about my well-being, not getting away from you.” Clearly expressing what you need and why leaves no room for misinterpretation. Everyone walks away with the same understanding.
3. Cultivate empathy
It’s not always easy to step out of your own head and put yourself in another person’s shoes. But this kind of empathy is the bridge that connects your understanding to another’s experience, and it could be the difference between a productive conversation and one that just leads to more confusion and conflict.
To cultivate empathy in your conversations, pause to consider the other person’s perspective before responding. If a colleague is consistently late on deadlines, rather than jumping to conclusions about laziness or poor work ethic, ask about their current workload or work obstacles. You might learn that they’re going through a loss in their personal life and are having a hard time focusing. Then, you both can focus on empathetic solutions rather than finger-pointing.
4. Opt for assertiveness without aggression
When entering an emotionally charged conversation, it’s easy to become defensive or even aggressive and forget to keep the other person’s feelings in mind. Instead, aim for assertiveness — being firm about your views while remaining respectful to others. This helps the conversation stay on course while you express your feelings.
Imagine you’re in a conflict with a family member. Rather than saying, “You never listen to me,” you could say, “When you check your phone while I’m speaking, it makes me feel like you aren’t listening and don’t care.” The approach promotes clear, honest dialogue without compromising your feelings or taking an accusatory tone.
5. Adjust your tone
Saying something like, “This deadline is late,” can seem inquisitive and empathetic or accusatory and aggressive, depending on your tone of voice. To convey a message effectively, align your tone with your intention.
During a sensitive conversation, a booming voice may create tension. Instead, a calm and gentle tone can ease the mood and help the other person remain open to hearing you out.
6. Seek help
Developing good communication skills requires patience, practice, and, sometimes, a little extra support. You can also delve into other research, such as the Minto Pyramid Principle. But at the end of the day, reaching out for assistance is a practical way to advance your interpersonal skills and deepen your connections. There are plenty of different options:
- A professional communication coach can provide you with tools to refine your style with a goal-oriented approach
- Workshops can introduce new communication techniques and give you the chance to practice in a supportive space
- Couples counseling can help you navigate communication roadblocks and build stronger strategies to support your relationship
- Self-help books and podcasts can prompt deeper self-reflection about different types of communication
- Communication apps, like Orai and Speeko, give you daily exercises to learn to express your own thoughts, deliver better interviews, or strike up conversations
7. Own up to miscommunications
Misunderstandings are bound to happen, no matter how strong your personal or workplace communication skills are. When they do arise, owning up to your part without placing blame or playing the victim can help turn the situation around.
Something as simple as, “Sorry for the misunderstanding, I’ll try explaining this again,” opens the door to conflict resolution and prevents further confusion. It sends a signal that you value understanding and can accept fault to focus on problem-solving.
8. Don’t fear upward communication
In a professional setting, sending feedback to higher-ups can be nerve-wracking. But upward communication is a vital business communication skill that lets management know what needs improvement and shows your engagement as an employee.
The key to upward communication is recognizing the weight of your words. This means presenting your observations and backing them up with actionable suggestions instead of saying, “I disagree,” or, “I don’t like this.” The approach demonstrates initiative and commitment to the organization’s success, fostering trust from higher-ups.
9. Normalize constructive conflict
Not everyone reacts to conflict the same way. While some may be unafraid of voicing disagreements, others may shy away from stirring the pot. Both are natural reactions, but it’s important to recognize that you can’t resolve problems without healthy communication. Normalize constructive conflict that acknowledges differences in opinion and works through them without negativity.
Imagine a scenario where you disagree with a coworker's choice. Instead of dismissing their perspective, approach the conversation with curiosity. Ask them questions to understand what led to their decision. It shows respect for their viewpoint and opens a dialogue that can lead to mutual understanding or better collaboration. You might even find that you agree with their stance after talking it through.
10. Celebrate small wins
Celebrating small wins and acknowledging others’ efforts boosts morale and encourages better communication patterns. Whether it’s a team member, long-term relationship partner, or family member, use your words to motivate the people around you. Something like, “I’ve noticed you try to listen more, and I really appreciate it,” reinforces positive behavior and nurtures growth.
9 communication bad habits to avoid
You might erect barriers that stifle communication without realizing it, like speaking too quickly or avoiding problems when you’re at fault. Recognizing these habits is the first step to breaking them down. Here are some common bad relationship communication habits to work on:
1. Underestimate body language
According to the 7-38-55 rule, the majority of communication happens through non-verbal cues. Pay attention to your body language. You might cross your arms, avert your gaze, or slouch without realizing it, which could communicate disinterest or lack of confidence. Instead, try to maintain eye contact and make gestures that invite conversation.
2. Interrupt people
In the rush to share an idea, you may interrupt someone without noticing what you’re doing. Make sure you wait until someone’s finished with their thought before responding. Taking a moment to pause and reflect will also help you speak more thoughtfully.
3. Overuse filler words
Filler words such as “um” and “like” can detract from your message’s strength, depending on the situation. They’re acceptable in casual conversation, but during a client presentation or job interview, it may make you seem unprofessional or like you aren’t confident in your ideas. Practice speaking with intention. If you need a minute to think, it’s okay to pause without filling the silence.
4. Forget to follow up
Leaving conversations without a clear resolution or next steps can lead to confusion, especially when it comes to serious conflicts. For complex or sensitive topics, summarize the discussion and agree on a follow-up action, like talking again in a week or coming up with a set of boundaries. This keeps everyone on the same page and moves things forward smoothly.
5. Converse when emotions are high
When you’re hurt or stressed, it’s easy to let your feelings get the best of you. For nuanced or emotional situations, a few hours (or even several days) to collect your thoughts can help you approach conversations productively instead of starting a fight. It’s okay to let the other person know you’d like to return to the conversation after some contemplation.
6. Rely on digital communication for sensitive topics
Using email or text for difficult conversations may feel easier, but it can strip the nuance or empathy from an interaction. When possible, have sensitive conversations face-to-face or on the phone to communicate subtleties and find solutions in real-time.
7. Use absolutes
Using words like “always” or “never” during disagreements can escalate the conflict and detract from real issues. They may feel accusatory or unfair, shutting down productive dialogue. Focus on the specifics and avoid generalizations that could hurt the other person.
8. Assume understanding
Don’t assume the person you’re talking to understands what you’re saying, and vice versa. After any kind of conversation, check in and reiterate what you meant, asking the other person if they have the same takeaways as you. This avoids misunderstandings and shows people you care.
9. Underplay timing
The time and place you share your thoughts can have a huge impact on how someone receives them. Bringing up a sensitive subject at the end of a stressful day might not yield a constructive discussion. Think about whether this is the most suitable time to deliver your message, and if not, wait until the other person is calm and has time to hear you out.
The power of positive communication
Effective communication in relationships doesn’t have a finish line. It’s an ongoing learning process that requires practice, self-reflection, and continuous learning. While you can’t avoid the occasional misunderstanding or conflict, you can build a set of tools to work through any situation with clear communication that prioritizes clarity and respect.
